IELTS Nam Đỗ Địa Chỉ: 74 DX 70, Kp 5, Phường Định Hòa, Tp TDM, Bình Dương Blog: Dohoangnam.com | SĐT: 0963 470 110 | Facebook.com/mr.dohoangnam Technology allows food to be produced in greater quantities and at the lower prices Some people believe this is a positive development, while others feel that the change is harmful Discuss both views and give your own opinion Original answer Nowadays the food industry offers a larger amount of nutriment than in the past decades Not only the offer is more spread but also so price have been decreasing more and more In this essay I will discuss on one side about the positive aspects of this change state and on the other side I will focus on the negative points of this development before expressing my opinion To begin with, we can observe that thanks to the food industry, which has been investing money to search solutions to optimize the yield of the foodstuff, the population have a better access to the food market In some countries, where the nutriments were extremely basic, today people can cook with a large number of nutriments than in the last decades Indeed, this means an healthier diet with more diversity and during all the year Moreover, if a part of the population has allergies, she will access to a large panel of products to replace the problematic one Whereas, this huge improvement present some negative aspects Firstly, the food development causes impacts on the environmental building Forest, which are vital for the nature balance have been destroyed to grow up some corn For instance, in Brazil they cut the forest to obtain some palm oil Besides, in some cases, pesticides are used to gain more productivity without measuring the consequence on the one hand of the human view and on the other hand of the biodiversity For example, some pesticides can produce heavy damage on the health of the farmer and cause cancers, as survey have proved Also, they produce undue collateral effects on plants in the neighbourhood To sum up, technology is not black or white After weighing the cons andpros of this evolution I have to admit that large progress have been achieved for the food access and the price However we need rules and laws to ensure a sustainable development to prevent environmental damages and global health problem due to the pesticides and the food market (337 words) Page 1|5 IELTS Nam Đỗ Địa Chỉ: 74 DX 70, Kp 5, Phường Định Hòa, Tp TDM, Bình Dương Blog: Dohoangnam.com | SĐT: 0963 470 110 | Facebook.com/mr.dohoangnam Corrected answer Nowadays the food industry offers a larger amount of nutriment than in the past decades Not only the offer is more spread but also so price have been decreasing more and more In this essay I will Commented [DN1]: first of the discuss on one side about the positive aspects of this change state and on the other side I will focus Commented [DN2]: widespread Commented [DN3]: the on the negative points of this development before expressing my opinion Commented [DN4]: has To begin with, we can observe that thanks to the food industry, which has been investing money to search solutions to optimize the yield of the foodstuff, the population have a better access to the Commented [DN5]: for food market In some countries, where the nutriments were extremely basic, today people can cook with a large number of nutriments than in the last decades Indeed, this means an healthier diet Commented [DN6]: a with more diversity and during all the year Moreover, if a part of the population has allergies, she Commented [DN7]: of will access to a large panel of products to replace the problematic one [This focuses on a wider Commented [DN8]: they variety of food that's not exactly suggested on the topic it's talking more about quantities of food rather than varieties In addition you haven't addressed price which is mentioned in the topic Commented [DN9]: have Commented [DN10]: range Whereas, this huge improvement present some negative aspects Firstly, the food development Commented [DN11]: However causes impacts on the environmental building Forests, which are vital for the nature balance have Commented [DN12]: environment been destroyed to grow up some corn For instance, in Brazil they cut the forest to obtain some Commented [DN13]: balance of palm oil Besides, in some cases, pesticides are used to gain more productivity without measuring Commented [DN14]: down a lot of the consequence on the one hand of the human view and on the other hand of the biodiversity For Commented [DN15]: humans example, some pesticides can produce heavy damage on the health of the farmer [better here to Commented [DN16]: of theplanet talk about the negative influence on people who eat the food] and cause cancers, as survey have proved Also, they produce undue collateral effects on plants in the neighbourhood To sum up, technology is not black or white After weighing the cons andpros of this evolution I Commented [DN17]: the influence of technology have to admit that large progress have been achieved for the food access and the price However Commented [DN18]: situation we need rules and laws to ensure a sustainable development to prevent environmental damages Commented [DN19]: believe Commented [DN20]: has and global health problem due to the pesticides and the food market Page 2|5 IELTS Nam Đỗ Địa Chỉ: 74 DX 70, Kp 5, Phường Định Hòa, Tp TDM, Bình Dương Blog: Dohoangnam.com | SĐT: 0963 470 110 | Facebook.com/mr.dohoangnam Estimated Grade Task response Câu hỏi “DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS + YOUR OPINION” Có nghĩa bạn phải viết vế “Some people believe this is a positive development, while others feel that the change is harmful” Tuy nhiên, vấn đề bạn cần phải nói là phần đầu câu hỏi bạn phải cover muốn trả lời full câu hỏi “Technology allows food to be produced in greater quantities and at the lower prices” Nếu viết, có dàn này: Body – positive  Idea – greater quantities => giúp giải tình trạng thiếu lương thực nhiều nước  Idea – at the lower prices => giúp có bửa ăn chất lượng hơn, đặc biệt người nghèo Body – negative  Idea – greater quantities => harm the nature, chặt cây, tăng farming  Idea – lower prices => may relate to low quality Trong viết trên, tác giả highlight lên phần DISADVANTAGES OPINION tốt, nhiên phần ADVANTAGES lại thiếu Idea lower prices Vì điểm bị giảm xuống mức 6.0 Page 3|5 IELTS Nam Đỗ Địa Chỉ: 74 DX 70, Kp 5, Phường Định Hòa, Tp TDM, Bình Dương Blog: Dohoangnam.com | SĐT: 0963 470 110 | Facebook.com/mr.dohoangnam Cohesion Bạn có structure rõ rang, chia paragraphs thành INTRO, and BODIES CONCLU, giúp người đọc dễ dàng bám sát coherence Tuy nhiên, có nhiều cụm từ gây confused cho người đọc Bạn nên bỏ hẳng từ này:  In this essay I will discuss on one side about the positive aspects of this change state and on the other side I will focus on the negative points of this development before expressing my opinion  Besides, in some cases, pesticides are used to gain more productivity without measuring the consequence on the one hand of the human view and on the other hand of the biodiversity  Whereas, this huge improvement present Mình thường viết dạng câu “This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and then, state my opinion that I strongly agree with the first viewpoint” câu rõ rang, giúp bạn đạt điểm tuyệt đối việc HIGHLIGHT bạn viết cho người đọc biết OPINION bạn Vocabular y Đây lỗi phổ biến việc học viết essay, bạn thường form câu vô nghĩa cách tự ghép theo cách hiểu Vietnamese sang, dĩ nhiên “lành nhiều” Đễ fix lỗi khuyên bạn siêng đọc essays mẫu, lấy câu cú phrases áp dụng mình, đừng tự make up câu, từ  Not only the offer first of the is more spread widespread but also so the price have has been decreasing more and more  Access to a large panel range of products to replace the problematic one Page 4|5 IELTS Nam Đỗ Địa Chỉ: 74 DX 70, Kp 5, Phường Định Hòa, Tp TDM, Bình Dương Blog: Dohoangnam.com | SĐT: 0963 470 110 | Facebook.com/mr.dohoangnam  consequence on the human view humans  After weighing the cons and pros of this evolution situation I have to admit believe that Grammar 5-6 Lỗi grammar nhiều viết tác giả cố gắng sử dụng câu phức, đa dạng cấu trúc câu, nhiên dung nhiều khơng có nghỉa dung Mọi người thấy điểm ngữ pháp dơn giản A/ AN sai nhiều  but also so the price have has been decreasing more and more Indeed, this means an a healthier diet with more diversity and during all of the year  Moreover, if a part of the population has allergies, she they will have access to a large  panel range of products to replace the problematic one  Indeed, this means an a healthier diet with more diversity and during all of the year  Moreover, if a part of the population has allergies, she they will have access to a large range of products to replace the problematic one Overall 5.5 – 6.0 Bài viết ổn IDEAS, STRUCTURE, nhiên phần VOCABULARY GRAMMAR nhiều lỗi sai Page 5|5 ... before expressing my opinion Commented [DN4]: has To begin with, we can observe that thanks to the food industry, which has been investing money to search solutions to optimize the yield of the. .. muốn trả lời full câu hỏi Technology allows food to be produced in greater quantities and at the lower prices Nếu viết, có dàn này: Body – positive  Idea – greater quantities => giúp giải tình... damage on the health of the farmer [better here to Commented [DN16]: of theplanet talk about the negative influence on people who eat the food] and cause cancers, as survey have proved Also, they