[...]... like as a trainer?’ Before Edgar could answer, music began and Richard Bandler appeared at the back of the room With a glance and a nod of the head, Edgar and Joe silently agreed to postpone their conversation The seminar was about to begin Chapter 2 A BRIEF HISTORY OF NLP As Richard Bandler walked towards the stage, Joe stared at him curiously He had heard that top executives, Olympic athletes and even... learned – just like you learned to walk or to shake hands automatically Even fears are learned! Do you know there are only two natural fears? The fear of loud noises and the fear of falling – that’s it All the rest are learned Now, some of them are useful, like being afraid of rattlesnakes, and some of them are less useful You don’t want to get rid of fear altogether; you just want to learn to be afraid... ‘Well, after years and years, I got so fed up with it I said, “That’s it I can’t take it anymore That was the straw that broke the camel’s back.”’ And then they all stopped, slapped their forehead and said, ‘At that moment, I looked at myself and I saw how stupid it was to be afraid.’ 1 And I wrote down the following: 2 Slap forehead (probably optional!) 3 Disassociate – that is, see yourself in the image... your head, pictures have to have a place, they have to have a distance, they have to have a size; they’re either in black and white or they’re in colour, they’re a movie or they’re a slide Sounds have to come from the right and/or from the left; they sound either like they’re going in or like they’re going out These, to me, seem to be the important distinctions that we have to make about things That should... Because to me, the real trick is to go inside and change the images in your mind and the way you talk to yourself and make your brain feel really good This is what I refer to as ‘ridiculous therapy’! When I did it with the client who had a fear of women, he was able to change the way he behaved He wasn’t able to approach a woman until something inside him made it fun You can only do that by taking the. .. fluke My training was primarily in mathematics, logic and science, and when I was in college I moved into a house owned by a psychiatrist, and it was filled with books Being an avid reader, I started reading them, waiting to get to the point where they said what you could do to help a patient Unfortunately the only book that I found that told you how to do anything was the book that told you how to prescribe... when making a map, you generalize On a map, all state roads are represented the same way, regardless of how they actually look, and when you see a blue-coloured shape you expect it to be a lake or the sea Generalization is part of the learning process You play with fire, you get burned, you learn not to touch things when they’re too hot It’s a good thing But then you have a partner who cheats on you and... done in the last 40 years has been about having personal freedom – that is, the freedom of choice I don’t want to make it so that you can’t get angry or scared anymore I want to make sure you can choose when to get angry or scared and what to get angry or scared about That way, you can begin to make all of these things useful Fear keeps you safe and out of trouble, but a fear of elevators? Really? You... primary ways: we create mental images and movies, we talk to ourselves and we have feelings Now, for years everyone was asking about what happened in your life rather than how you were thinking about it What I discovered was that the way you thought about things was what determined how you felt What that means is that you can help people change when you teach them to take control of the movies they make... is taking in Now let’s have lunch Be back in an hour and a half feeling great and ready for a surprise! Richard left the stage to a big round of applause Joe, Teresa and Emily left together, and Joe asked Edgar to join them As they sat down in the restaurant, Joe shared something that had been on his mind all day: ‘This morning, Teresa, you said something about certainty preventing learning that I . rid of fear altogether; you just want to learn to be afraid of the appropriate thing at the appropriate time. Like having a phobia about cheating on your partner! That’s a phobia worth having. When. three of them made their way towards the seminar room, Joe and Teresa began to catch up on what had been happening since they had last met. At one point, they stopped talking for a moment as they. like as a trainer?’ Before Edgar could answer, music began and Richard Bandler appeared at the back of the room. With a glance and a nod of the head, Edgar and Joe silently agreed to postpone their