Đang tải... (xem toàn văn)
Trang 1 Overall band score 9 9+9+9+9See below C&C LR GRA Model answerWRITING TASK 2You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.Write about the following topic:Some people say that the
Overall band score 9+9+9+9 See below C&C LR GRA Model answer WRITING TASK You should spend about 40 minutes on this task Write about the following topic: Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities Others say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required Discuss both these views and give your own opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience Write at least 250 words Original answer Improving public health is undoubtedly one of the chief objectives of any government To this end, some people propose adding more public sports facilities as the most effective method Others, myself included, however, believe this proposal would produce an indiscernible effect if carried out alone, and thus should be executed in parallel with other measures Granted, there are good grounds for extolling increasing sports facilities as the foremost method of improving people’s health Proponents often cite a strong correlation between physical exercise and human wellbeing, saying that by having more public sports infrastructure, people would be encouraged to be more physically active, hence improved health outcomes Nevertheless, this thinking fails to factor in the busy nature of the modern world Specifically, people today seem so attached to hectic schedules that they often cannot even find enough time for eating a sitting-meal, let alone going to the park to play sports, for example The argument goes that implementing more sports facilities alone could hardly improve public health in a noticeable way Given the aforementioned limitations, I would argue that other measures should also be adopted to better increase public health First, it is imperative that the government mount more campaigns that raise public awareness about the serious health consequences of a sedentary lifestyle Once people are made fully cognizant of these repercussions, they will be more likely to set aside some time to engage in physical activities, despite how busy they are In tandem with encouraging physically active lifestyles, the government should also focus on promoting healthy eating habits This is particularly urgent in this day and age, when more and more people rely on fast food, high in fat and sugar, and the obesity rate is on the rise In conclusion, while adding more sports facilities in public spaces is important in promoting a healthier population, I feel that it is not a sufficient solution on its own and that educational initiatives should be implemented simultaneously Overall band score 9+9+9+9 TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score Excellent answer You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed Your position is coherent and well-argued The ideas are relevant, extended, and coherent I would structure my answer in exactly the same way This is an extreme question, in which you’re invited to agree with an extreme proposition Usually, the easiest position is to concede some benefits, and to then disagree with the proposition Advice On Brainstorming For Task As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly ask yourself if you’re answering the question Check back to the question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're directly relevant Make sure your introduction directly addresses the question Make sure your ideas address all parts of the question If the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must suggest at least Make sure your main ideas, as stated in the first sentence of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question Make sure your supporting ideas, which follow the main ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea Be especially careful if you’ve answered similar question before, as there will always be important differences Make sure your conclusion directly answers the question, that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it does not contradict the introduction Improving public health is undoubtedly one of the chief objectives of any government To this end, some people propose adding more public sports facilities as the most effective method[a] Others, myself included, however, believe this proposal would produce an indiscernible effect if carried out alone, and thus should be executed in parallel with other measures [b] Granted, there are good grounds for extolling increasing sports facilities as the foremost method of improving people’s health[c] Proponents often cite a strong correlation between physical exercise and human wellbeing, saying that by having more public sports infrastructure, people would be encouraged to be more physically active, hence improved health outcomes Nevertheless, this thinking fails to factor in the busy nature of the modern world Specifically, people today seem so attached to hectic schedules that they often cannot even find enough time for eating a sitting-meal, let alone going to the park to play sports, for example The argument goes that implementing more sports facilities alone could hardly improve public health in a noticeable way [d] Given the aforementioned limitations, I would argue that other measures should also be adopted to better increase public health[e] First, it is imperative that the government mount more campaigns that raise public awareness about the serious health consequences of a sedentary lifestyle Once people are made fully cognizant of these repercussions, they will be more likely to set aside some time to engage in physical activities, despite how busy they are[f] In tandem with encouraging physically active lifestyles, the government should also focus on promoting healthy eating habits This is particularly urgent in this day and age, when more and more people rely on fast food, high in fat and sugar[g], and the obesity rate is on the rise.[h] In conclusion, while adding more sports facilities in public spaces is important in promoting a healthier population, I feel that it is not a sufficient solution on its own and that educational initiatives should be implemented simultaneously.[i] C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score Excellent cohesion and coherence throughout The sentences have a natural flow characteristic of high band score answers Paragraphing for Task I recommend you write paragraphs as follows: Write an introduction, that explains what the question is After reading the introduction, the reader should have a good idea what the essay is about, and what your position (opinion) is It should be possible to write an introduction in under 50 words It is not necessary to write a long background statement Write main body paragraphs This should allow you to expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner that you’ve fully supported the main ideas If you write main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them sufficiently to get a high score If it’s a two-part question, answer the questions in the order they’re given and write one paragraph per question The main body paragraphs should be 100-120 words, and each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and or more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with reasons, evidence, and examples Do not waste time with lots of background information The topic sentences should directly address the question The conclusion should be consistent with the introduction and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas It should directly answer the question Do not leave the examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the question If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to reject one of the sides If you just restated the original ideas about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered one side more than the other It is also ok to write a third body paragraph in a to what extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and disagree with the proposition Avoid short paragraphs, with under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central topic in a short paragraph Improving public health is undoubtedly one of the chief objectives of any government To this end, some people propose adding more public sports facilities as the most effective method Others, myself included, however, [j]believe this proposal would produce an indiscernible effect if carried out alone, and thus [k]should be executed [l]in parallel with other measures Granted, there are good grounds for extolling increasing sports facilities as the foremost method of improving people’s health[m] Proponents often cite [n]a strong correlation between physical exercise and human wellbeing, saying that by having more public sports infrastructure, people would be encouraged to be more physically active, hence improved health outcomes Nevertheless, this thinking fails to factor in [o]the busy nature of the modern world Specifically, people today seem so attached to hectic schedules that they often cannot even find enough time for eating a sitting-meal, let alone going to the park to play sports, for example The argument goes that implementing [p]more sports facilities alone could hardly improve public health in a noticeable way Given the aforementioned limitations, I would argue that other measures should also be adopted to better increase public health[q] First, it is imperative that the government mount more campaigns that raise public awareness [r]about the serious health consequences of a sedentary lifestyle Once people are made fully cognizant of these repercussions, [s]they will be more likely to set aside some time to engage in physical activities, despite how busy they are[t] In tandem with encouraging physically active lifestyles[u], the government should also focus on promoting healthy eating habits This is particularly urgent in this day and age, when [v]more and more people rely on fast food, high in fat and sugar, and the obesity rate is on the rise In conclusion, while adding more sports facilities in public spaces is important in promoting a healthier population[w], I feel that it is not a sufficient solution on its own and that educational initiatives should be implemented simultaneously LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected Band score Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning, with a wide variety of vocabulary, used accurately and with a high level of control Improving public health is undoubtedly one of the chief objectives of any government To this end, some people propose adding more public sports facilities as the most effective method Others, myself included, however, believe this proposal would produce an indiscernible effect if carried out alone, and thus should be executed in parallel with other measures Granted, there are good grounds for extolling [x]increasing sports facilities as the foremost method of improving people’s health Proponents often cite a strong correlation between physical exercise and human wellbeing, saying [y]that by having more public sports infrastructure, people would be encouraged to be more physically active, hence [z]improved health outcomes Nevertheless, this thinking fails to factor in the busy nature of the modern world Specifically, people today seem so attached to hectic schedules [aa]that they often cannot even find enough time for eating a sitting-meal, let alone going to the park to play sports, for example The argument goes that [ab]implementing more sports facilities alone could hardly improve public health in a noticeable way Given the aforementioned limitations, I would argue that other measures should also be adopted to better increase public health[ac] First, it is imperative that the government mount more campaigns that raise public awareness about the serious health consequences of a sedentary lifestyle Once people are made fully cognizant of these repercussions, they will be more likely to set aside some time to engage in physical activities, despite how busy they are In tandem with encouraging physically active lifestyles, the government should also focus on promoting healthy eating habits This is particularly urgent in this day and age, when more and more people rely on fast food, high in fat and sugar, and the obesity rate is on the rise In conclusion, while adding more sports facilities in public spaces is important in promoting a healthier population, I feel that it is not a sufficient solution on its own and that educational initiatives should be implemented simultaneously[ad] GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have not been corrected Band score Grammar is used accurately with a wide variety of structures, which should be good for a band score Punctuation is used correctly throughout Appropriate structures are used throughout Errors are rare and occur as minor slips Improving public health is undoubtedly one of the chief objectives of any government To this end, some people propose adding more public sports facilities as the most effective method Others, myself included, however, believe this proposal would produce an indiscernible effect if carried out alone, and thus should be executed in parallel with other measures Granted, there are good grounds for extolling increasing sports facilities as the foremost method of improving people’s health Proponents often cite a strong correlation between physical exercise and human wellbeing, saying that by having more public sports infrastructure, people would be encouraged to be more physically active, hence[ae] improved health outcomes Nevertheless, this thinking fails to factor in the busy nature of the modern world Specifically, people today seem so attached to hectic schedules that they often cannot even find enough time for eating a sitting-meal, let alone going to the park to play sports, for example The argument goes that implementing more sports facilities alone could hardly improve public health in a noticeable way Given the aforementioned limitations, I would argue that other measures should also be adopted to better [af]increase public health First, it is imperative that the government mount more campaigns that raise public awareness about the serious health consequences of a sedentary lifestyle Once people are made fully cognizant of these repercussions, they will be more likely to set aside some time to engage in physical activities, despite how busy they are[ag] In tandem with encouraging physically active lifestyles, the government should also focus on promoting healthy eating habits This is particularly urgent in this day and age, when more and more people rely on fast food, high [ah]in fat and sugar, and the obesity rate is on the rise In conclusion, while adding more sports facilities in public spaces is important in promoting a healthier population, I feel that it is not a sufficient solution on its own and that educational initiatives should be implemented simultaneously