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While some argue that national history is of greater importance, I am of the opinion that both domains are crucial in their own ways in shaping well-rounded, informed individuals, so the
Overall band score 9+9+9+9 See below C&C LR GRA Model answer WRITING TASK You should spend about 40 minutes on this task Write about the following topic: It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about national history than world history To what extent to you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience Write at least 250 words Original answer Whether national history should take precedence over world history in the education of schoolchildren has been debated as of late While some argue that national history is of greater importance, I am of the opinion that both domains are crucial in their own ways in shaping well-rounded, informed individuals, so their combination will be an ideal approach Granted, proponents of a nation-centric historical narrative often emphasize that it can help children to better appreciate their cultural roots and historical legacy, thereby instilling in them a sense of patriotism and national identity However, this argument overlooks the fact that national histories are often intertwined with global events, so understanding one's own history in isolation can give rise to an insular perspective Worse still, focusing solely on national history may cause children to develop an ethnocentric mindset, potentially hindering their ability to appreciate the complexities and interdependencies of the global community in which they live For the aforementioned arguments, I believe schoolchildren should be taught about local historical events and those of other countries in tandem The primary reason is that teaching the latter can equip students with a more comprehensive understanding of human civilization, enabling them to grasp the intricacies of diverse cultures, religions, and political systems This broader perspective can foster empathy, tolerance, and a more nuanced understanding of global issues For example, learning about the history of colonization and its impact on various nations can help students recognize the lingering effects of historical injustices and develop a more empathetic stance towards marginalized communities In conclusion, while national history plays a pivotal role in cultivating a sense of identity and pride among schoolchildren, it is essential to acknowledge the significance of world history By incorporating both domains into the curriculum, educators can nurture well-rounded, globally aware individuals who possess the knowledge and empathy necessary to navigate an increasingly interconnected world Overall band score 9+9+9+9 TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed Your position is coherent and well-argued The ideas are relevant, extended, and coherent I think you chose an easy question here, but as a football commentator might say, you can’t more than beat a weak team I agree that advocating the study of both is the best and easiest position, and to attempt any other position would be almost impossible Personally, I’d keep it simple, probably answer like a discuss both views question with one clear paragraph about each, but your approach is fine, as you did write enough about both Another reason for learning international history is to learn from our mistakes, which is something the collective west is singularly failing to do, as it descends yet again into fascism and tyranny Advice On Brainstorming For Task As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly ask yourself if you’re answering the question Check back to the question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're directly relevant Make sure your introduction directly addresses the question Make sure your ideas address all parts of the question If the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must suggest at least Make sure your main ideas, as stated in the first sentence of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question Make sure your supporting ideas, which follow the main ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea Be especially careful if you’ve answered similar question before, as there will always be important differences Make sure your conclusion directly answers the question, that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it does not contradict the introduction Whether national history should take precedence over world history in the education of schoolchildren has been debated as of late While some argue that national history is of greater importance, I am of the opinion that both domains are crucial in their own ways in shaping well-rounded, informed individuals, so their combination will be an ideal approach [a] Granted, proponents of a nation-centric historical narrative often emphasize that it can help children to better appreciate their cultural roots and historical legacy, thereby instilling in them a sense of patriotism and national identity [b] However, this argument overlooks the fact that national histories are often intertwined with global events, so understanding one's own history in isolation can give rise to an insular perspective Worse still, focusing solely on national history may cause children to develop an ethnocentric mindset, potentially hindering their ability to appreciate the complexities and interdependencies of the global community in which they live.[c] For the aforementioned arguments, I believe schoolchildren should be taught about local historical events and those of other countries in tandem [d] The primary reason is that teaching the latter can equip students with a more comprehensive understanding of human civilization, enabling them to grasp the intricacies of diverse cultures, religions, and political systems This broader perspective can foster empathy, tolerance, and a more nuanced understanding of global issues For example, learning about the history of colonization and its impact on various nations can help students recognize the lingering effects of historical injustices and develop a more empathetic stance towards marginalized communities.[e] In conclusion, while national history plays a pivotal role in cultivating a sense of identity and pride among schoolchildren, it is essential to acknowledge the significance of world history By incorporating both domains into the curriculum, educators can nurture well-rounded, globally aware individuals who possess the knowledge and empathy necessary to navigate an increasingly interconnected world.[f] C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score Excellent cohesion and coherence throughout, with no errors The sentences have a natural flow characteristic of high band score answers Paragraphing for Task I recommend you write paragraphs as follows: Write an introduction that explains what the question is After reading the introduction, the reader should have a good idea what the essay is about, and what your position (opinion) is It should be possible to write an introduction in under 50 words It is not necessary to write a long background statement Write main body paragraphs This should allow you to expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner that you’ve fully supported the main ideas If you write main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them sufficiently to get a high score If it’s a two-part question, answer the questions in the order they’re given and write one paragraph per question The main body paragraphs should be 100-120 words, and each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and or more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with reasons, evidence, and examples Do not waste time with lots of background information The topic sentences should directly address the question The conclusion should be consistent with the introduction and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas It should directly answer the question Do not leave the examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the question If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to reject one of the sides If you just restated the original ideas about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered one side more than the other It is also ok to write a third body paragraph in a to what extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and disagree with the proposition Avoid short paragraphs, with under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central topic in a short paragraph Whether national history should take precedence over world history in the education of schoolchildren has been debated as of late[g] While some argue that national history is of greater importance, I am of the opinion that both domains are crucial in their own ways in shaping well-rounded, informed individuals, so their combination will be an ideal approach [h] Granted, proponents of a nation-centric historical narrative often emphasize that it can help children to better appreciate their cultural roots and historical legacy, thereby instilling in them a sense of patriotism and national identity [i]However, this argument overlooks the fact that national histories are often intertwined with global events, so understanding one's own history in isolation can give rise to an insular perspective Worse still, focusing solely on national history may cause children to develop an ethnocentric mindset, potentially hindering their ability to appreciate the complexities and interdependencies of the global community in which they live.[j] For the aforementioned arguments, I believe schoolchildren should be taught about local historical events and those of other countries in tandem [k] The primary reason is that teaching the latter can equip students with a more comprehensive understanding of human civilization, enabling them to grasp the intricacies of diverse cultures, religions, and political systems This broader perspective can foster empathy, tolerance, and a more nuanced understanding of global issues For example, learning about the history of colonization and its impact on various nations can help students recognize the lingering effects of historical injustices and develop a more empathetic stance towards marginalized communities.[l] In conclusion, while national history plays a pivotal role in cultivating a sense of identity and pride among schoolchildren, it is essential to acknowledge the significance of world history By incorporating both domains into the curriculum, educators can nurture well-rounded, globally aware individuals who possess the knowledge and empathy necessary to navigate an increasingly interconnected world.[m] LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected Band score Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning, with a wide variety of vocabulary, used accurately and with a high level of control Whether national history should take precedence over world history in the education of schoolchildren has been debated as of late While some argue that national history is of greater importance, I am of the opinion that both domains [n]are crucial in their own ways in shaping well-rounded, informed individuals, so their combination [o]will be an ideal approach Granted, proponents of a nation-centric historical narrative often emphasize that it can help children to better appreciate their cultural roots and historical legacy, thereby instilling in them a sense of patriotism and national identity However, this argument overlooks the fact that national histories are often intertwined with global events, so understanding one's own history in isolation can give rise to an insular perspective Worse still, focusing solely on national history may cause children to develop an ethnocentric mindset, potentially hindering their ability to appreciate the complexities and interdependencies of the global community in which they live For the aforementioned arguments, I believe schoolchildren should be taught about local historical events and those of other countries in tandem The primary reason is that teaching the latter can equip students with a more comprehensive understanding of human civilization, enabling them to grasp the intricacies of diverse cultures, religions, and political systems This broader perspective can foster empathy, tolerance, and a more nuanced understanding of global issues For example, learning about the history of colonization and its impact on various nations can help students recognize the lingering effects of historical injustices and develop a more empathetic stance towards marginalized communities In conclusion, while national history plays a pivotal role in cultivating a sense of identity and pride among schoolchildren, it is essential to acknowledge the significance of world history By incorporating both domains into the curriculum, educators can nurture well-rounded, globally aware individuals who possess the knowledge and empathy necessary to navigate an increasingly interconnected world GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have not been corrected Band score Grammar is used accurately with a wide variety of structures, which should be good for a band score Punctuation is used correctly throughout Appropriate structures are used throughout Whether national history should take precedence over world history in the education of schoolchildren has been debated as of late While some argue that national history is of greater importance, I am of the opinion that both domains are crucial in their own ways in shaping well-rounded, informed individuals, so their combination will be an ideal approach Granted, proponents of a nation-centric historical narrative often emphasize that it can help children to better appreciate their cultural roots and historical legacy, thereby instilling in them a sense of patriotism and national identity However, this argument overlooks the fact that national histories are often intertwined with global events, so understanding one's own history in isolation can give rise to an insular perspective Worse still, focusing solely on national history may cause children to develop an ethnocentric mindset, potentially hindering their ability to appreciate the complexities and interdependencies of the global community in which they live For the aforementioned arguments, I believe schoolchildren should be taught about local historical events and those of other countries in tandem The primary reason is that teaching the latter can equip students with a more comprehensive understanding of human civilization, enabling them to grasp the intricacies of diverse cultures, religions, and political systems This broader perspective can foster empathy, tolerance, and a more nuanced understanding of global issues For example, learning about the history of colonization and its impact on various nations can help students recognize the lingering effects of historical injustices and develop a more empathetic stance towards marginalized communities In conclusion, while national history plays a pivotal role in cultivating a sense of identity and pride among schoolchildren, it is essential to acknowledge the significance of world history By incorporating both domains into the curriculum, educators can nurture well-rounded, globally aware individuals who possess the knowledge and empathy necessary to navigate an increasingly interconnected world