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While this proposal is indeed beneficial, I would argue it is not a feasible option in many parts of the world.On the one hand, countries should be encouraged to increase their food self
Overall band score 9+9+9+9 See below C&C LR GRA Model answer WRITING TASK You should spend about 40 minutes on this task Write about the following topic: Some people think that countries should produce foods their population eats and import less food as much as possible To what extent you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience Write at least 250 words Original answer Ensuring national food security is undoubtedly one of the chief objectives of any government To this end, it is proposed that countries should become independent of food imports While this proposal is indeed beneficial, I would argue it is not a feasible option in many parts of the world On the one hand, countries should be encouraged to increase their food selfsufficiency and decrease their reliance on food imports As for the former, it can lead to an increase in employment opportunities in the field of agriculture, thereby curbing the unemployment rate This can be seen in rural areas in Vietnam, where a focus on developing the agricultural sector has helped ensure year-round production, providing thousands of jobs for the locals and preventing jobless periods Regarding minimizing food imports, it can aid in environmental protection, given reduced food miles and thus lower levels of CO2 emissions from food transportation On the other hand, producing food domestically is not a viable option for every nation To be more specific, geographic and climatic conditions in many regions are simply not suitable for agricultural practices This is evidenced by Japan, whose infertile soil and hostile climate makes it virtually impossible for this country to produce enough food to feed its citizenry Another exemplar is Kenya, where food insecurity still remains a major issue due to prolonged droughts For these nations, avoiding food imports would actually be tantamount to causing national food shortages as well as a series of concomitant socio-economic problems In conclusion, while there are certain benefits that the policy of food independence can confer upon a nation and the environment, I believe it can prove unfeasible in countries where natural conditions afford the people little choice, so importing foods in this case seems the only way to guarantee their food security Overall band score 9+9+9+9 TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score The question is about food security, but it also says foods their population eats, but it’s not really clear whether the question is suggesting net food security or absolute, as in minimal food imports and exports So, it’s ok to not address that directly As I said in my comments, your arguments are relevant, but you didn’t use the food security argument, even though you mentioned it in the introduction I think this may be quibbling over minor details, so I still gave you for TR You could also mention that, even though food independence is not feasible is Japan and elsewhere, it is still worthwhile striving to boost food production You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed Your position is coherent and well-argued The ideas are relevant, extended, and coherent Advice On Brainstorming For Task As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly ask yourself if you’re answering the question Check back to the question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're directly relevant Make sure your introduction directly addresses the question Make sure your ideas address all parts of the question If the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must suggest at least Make sure your main ideas, as stated in the first sentence of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question Make sure your supporting ideas, which follow the main ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea Be especially careful if you’ve answered similar question before, as there will always be important differences Make sure your conclusion directly answers the question, that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it does not contradict the introduction Ensuring national food security is [a]undoubtedly one of the chief objectives of any government To this end, it is proposed that countries should become [b]independent of food imports While this proposal is indeed beneficial, I would argue it is not a feasible option in many parts of the world [c] On the one hand, countries should be encouraged to increase their food selfsufficiency and decrease their reliance on food imports [d]As for the former, it can lead to an increase in employment opportunities in the field of agriculture, thereby curbing the unemployment rate This can be seen in rural areas in Vietnam, where a focus on developing the agricultural sector has helped ensure year-round production, providing thousands of jobs for the locals and preventing jobless periods Regarding minimizing food imports, it can aid in environmental protection, given reduced food miles and thus lower levels of CO2 emissions from food transportation [e] On the other hand, producing food domestically [f]is not a viable option for every nation[g] To be more specific, geographic and climatic conditions in many regions are simply not suitable for agricultural practices This is evidenced by Japan, whose infertile soil and hostile climate makes it virtually impossible for this country to produce enough food to feed its citizenry Another exemplar is Kenya, where food insecurity still remains a major issue due to prolonged droughts For these nations, avoiding food imports would actually be tantamount to causing national food shortages as well as a series of concomitant socio-economic problems [h][i] In conclusion, while there are certain benefits that the policy of food independence can confer upon a nation and the environment, I believe it can prove unfeasible in countries where natural conditions afford the people little choice, so importing foods in this case seems the only way to guarantee their food security.[j] C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score Excellent cohesion and coherence throughout, with no errors The sentences have a natural flow characteristic of high band score answers Paragraphing for Task I recommend you write paragraphs as follows: Write an introduction that explains what the question is After reading the introduction, the reader should have a good idea what the essay is about, and what your position (opinion) is It should be possible to write an introduction in under 50 words It is not necessary to write a long background statement Write main body paragraphs This should allow you to expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner that you’ve fully supported the main ideas If you write main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them sufficiently to get a high score If it’s a two-part question, answer the questions in the order they’re given and write one paragraph per question The main body paragraphs should be 100-120 words, and each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and or more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with reasons, evidence, and examples Do not waste time with lots of background information The topic sentences should directly address the question The conclusion should be consistent with the introduction and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas It should directly answer the question Do not leave the examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the question If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to reject one of the sides If you just restated the original ideas about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered one side more than the other It is also ok to write a third body paragraph in a to what extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and disagree with the proposition Avoid short paragraphs, with under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central topic in a short paragraph Ensuring national food security is undoubtedly one of the chief objectives of any government[k] To this end, it is proposed that countries should become independent of food imports While this proposal is indeed beneficial, I would argue [l]it is not a feasible option in many parts of the world On the one hand, countries should be encouraged to increase their food selfsufficiency and decrease their reliance on food imports[m] As for the former, it can lead to [n]an increase in employment opportunities in the field of agriculture, thereby curbing the unemployment rate[o] This can be seen in rural areas in Vietnam, where [p]a focus on developing the agricultural sector has helped ensure year-round production, providing thousands of jobs for the locals [q]and preventing jobless periods Regarding minimizing food imports, [r]it can aid in environmental protection, given [s]reduced food miles and thus lower levels of CO2 emissions from food transportation On the other hand, producing food domestically is not a viable option for every nation[t] To be more specific, geographic and climatic conditions in many regions are simply not suitable for agricultural practices[u] This is evidenced [v]by Japan, whose infertile soil and hostile climate makes it virtually impossible for this country to produce enough [w]food to feed its citizenry Another exemplar is Kenya, where food insecurity still remains a major issue [x]due to prolonged droughts For these nations, avoiding food imports would actually be tantamount to causing national food shortages as well as a series of concomitant socioeconomic problems [y] In conclusion, while there are certain benefits that the policy of food independence can confer upon a nation and the environment, I believe [z]it can prove [aa]unfeasible in countries where natural conditions afford the people little choice, so importing foods in this case seems the only way to guarantee their food security LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected Band score Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning, with a wide variety of vocabulary, used accurately and with a high level of control Ensuring national food security is undoubtedly one of the chief objectives of any government To this end, it is proposed that countries should become independent of food imports While this proposal is indeed beneficial, I would argue it is not a feasible option in many parts of the world On the one hand, countries should be encouraged to increase their food selfsufficiency and decrease their reliance on food imports As for the former, it can lead to an increase in employment opportunities in the field of agriculture, thereby curbing [ab]the unemployment rate This can be seen in rural areas in Vietnam, where a focus on developing the agricultural sector has helped ensure year-round production, providing thousands of jobs for the locals and preventing jobless periods[ac] Regarding minimizing food imports, it can aid in environmental protection, given reduced food miles and thus lower levels of CO2 emissions from food transportation On the other hand, producing food domestically is not a viable option for every nation To be more specific, geographic and climatic conditions in many regions are simply not suitable for agricultural practices[ad] This is evidenced by Japan, whose infertile soil and hostile climate makes it virtually impossible for this country to produce enough food to feed its citizenry Another exemplar [ae]is Kenya, where food insecurity still remains a major issue due to prolonged droughts For these nations, avoiding food imports would actually be tantamount to causing national food shortages as well as a series of concomitant socioeconomic problems In conclusion, while there are certain benefits that the policy of food independence can confer upon a nation and the environment, I believe it can prove unfeasible in countries where natural conditions afford the people [af]little choice, so importing foods in this case seems the only way to guarantee their food security GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have not been corrected Band score Grammar is used accurately a wide variety of structures, which should be good for a band score Punctuation is use correctly throughout Appropriate structures are used throughout Errors are rare and occur as minor slips Ensuring national food security is undoubtedly [ag]one of the chief objectives of any government To this end, it is proposed that countries should become independent of food imports While this proposal is indeed beneficial, I would argue it is not a feasible option in many parts of the world On the one hand, countries should be encouraged to increase their food selfsufficiency and decrease their reliance on food imports As for the former, it can lead to an increase in employment opportunities in the field of agriculture, thereby curbing the unemployment rate This can be seen in rural areas in Vietnam, where a focus on developing the agricultural sector has helped ensure year-round production, providing thousands of jobs for the locals and preventing jobless periods Regarding minimizing food imports, it can aid in environmental protection, given reduced food miles and thus lower levels of CO2 emissions from food transportation On the other hand, producing food domestically is not a viable option for every nation To be more specific, geographic and climatic conditions in many regions are simply not suitable for agricultural practices This is evidenced by Japan, whose infertile soil and hostile climate makes it virtually impossible for this country to produce enough food to feed its citizenry Another exemplar is Kenya, where food insecurity still remains a major issue due to prolonged droughts For these nations, avoiding food imports would actually be tantamount to causing national food shortages as well as a series of concomitant socio-economic problems In conclusion, while there are certain benefits that the policy of food independence can confer upon a nation and the environment, I believe it can prove unfeasible in countries where natural conditions afford the people little choice, so importing foods in this case seems the only way to guarantee their food security