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Trang 1 Overall band score 9 9+9+9+9See below C&C LR GRA Model answerWRITING TASK 2You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.Write about the following topic:An increasing number of
Overall band score 9+9+9+9 See below C&C LR GRA Model answer WRITING TASK You should spend about 40 minutes on this task Write about the following topic: An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience Write at least 250 words Original answer The prevalence of cosmetic surgery has surged in recent years, with many individuals opting for procedures to enhance their appearance This essay will first outline the underlying causes of this trend, before arguing that it is more of a negative development The primary motivation for individuals seeking cosmetic surgery is often rooted in a desire to conform to social beauty standards The pervasive influence of mass media and technology has amplified the focus on physical appearance, making many people feel pressure to conform to beauty ideals and resort to surgical intervention to achieve their desired look For example, the widespread use of photo-editing applications and the proliferation of "picture-perfect" images on social media platforms have led many to seek cosmetic procedures to attain a similar level of perceived perfection This is further compounded by advances in medical technology, which have made cosmetic surgery more accessible and affordable, further fueling the increase in such procedures Notwithstanding the potential benefits of improved self-confidence and satisfaction with one's appearance, I believe that the growing trend of cosmetic surgery is predominantly detrimental One major problem is that it can lead to an excessive focus on external beauty or, in other words, foster a culture of superficiality, where individuals are judged primarily on their physical appearance rather than their character or abilities This could lead to a decline in self-worth for those who may not fit into the narrow definitions of beauty propagated by society Worse still, the pursuit of physical perfection can become an obsession for some individuals, leading to multiple procedures and a vicious cycle of dissatisfaction with their appearance In conclusion, the rise in cosmetic surgery can be attributed to the pressure to conform to social beauty standards and increased accessibility of these procedures From my perspective, the promotion of superficial values, coupled with the potential psychological risks, makes this development largely negative Overall band score 9+9+9+9 TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score Excellent answer You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed Your position is coherent and well-argued The ideas are relevant, extended, and coherent Other ideas There’s also the fact that you hardly ever see anyone on TV who’s would not be considered good looking Obviously, this only really applies to women People might also attribute their lack of success to their appearance rather than to a lack of ability defects in their character This being the case, there’s not much chance of their other defects being rectified Perhaps some blame could be attributed to the tastes of men – we are obviously attracted to beautiful women, so it’s only natural that women should all they can to attract a mate Before plastic surgery they had and still have fashion and makeup – all designed to deceive us – LOL Fortunately for our female counterparts, it’s more difficult for us to fool them, as they’re more interested in resources than in looks Advice On Brainstorming For Task As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly ask yourself if you’re answering the question Check back to the question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're directly relevant Make sure your introduction directly addresses the question Make sure your ideas address all parts of the question If the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must suggest at least Make sure your main ideas, as stated in the first sentence of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question Make sure your supporting ideas, which follow the main ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea Be especially careful if you’ve answered similar question before, as there will always be important differences Make sure your conclusion directly answers the question, that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it does not contradict the introduction The prevalence of cosmetic surgery has surged in recent years, with many individuals opting for procedures to enhance their appearance This essay will first outline the underlying causes of this trend, before arguing that it is more of a negative development.[a] The primary motivation for individuals seeking cosmetic surgery is often rooted in a desire to conform to social beauty standards[b] The pervasive influence of mass media and technology has amplified the focus on physical appearance, making many people feel pressure to conform to beauty ideals and resort to surgical intervention to achieve their desired look For example, the widespread use of photo-editing applications and the proliferation of "picture-perfect" images on social media platforms [c]have led many to seek cosmetic procedures to attain a similar level of perceived perfection This is further compounded by advances in medical technology, which have made cosmetic surgery more accessible and affordable, further fueling the increase in such procedures.[d] Notwithstanding the potential benefits of improved self-confidence and satisfaction with one's appearance, I believe that the growing trend of cosmetic surgery is predominantly detrimental [e]One major problem is that it can lead to an excessive focus on external beauty or, in other words, foster a culture of superficiality, where individuals are judged primarily on their physical appearance rather than their character or abilities This could lead to a decline in self-worth for those who may not fit into the narrow definitions of beauty propagated by society Worse still, the pursuit of physical perfection can become an obsession for some individuals, leading to multiple procedures and a vicious cycle of dissatisfaction with their appearance.[f][g] In conclusion, the rise in cosmetic surgery can be attributed to the pressure to conform to social beauty standards and increased accessibility of these procedures From my perspective, the promotion of superficial values, coupled with the potential psychological risks, makes this development largely negative [h] C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score Excellent cohesion and coherence throughout, with no errors The sentences have a natural flow characteristic of high band score answers Paragraphing for Task I recommend you write paragraphs as follows: Write an introduction, that explains what the question is After reading the introduction, the reader should have a good idea what the essay is about, and what your position (opinion) is It should be possible to write an introduction in under 50 words It is not necessary to write a long background statement Write main body paragraphs This should allow you to expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner that you’ve fully supported the main ideas If you write main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them sufficiently to get a high score If it’s a two-part question, answer the questions in the order they’re given and write one paragraph per question The main body paragraphs should be 100-120 words, and each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and or more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with reasons, evidence, and examples Do not waste time with lots of background information The topic sentences should directly address the question The conclusion should be consistent with the introduction and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas It should directly answer the question Do not leave the examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the question If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to reject one of the sides If you just restated the original ideas about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered one side more than the other It is also ok to write a third body paragraph in a to what extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and disagree with the proposition Avoid short paragraphs, with under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central topic in a short paragraph The prevalence of cosmetic surgery has surged in recent years, with many individuals opting for procedures to enhance their appearance This essay will first outline the underlying causes of this trend, before arguing that it is more of a negative development.[i] The primary motivation for individuals seeking cosmetic surgery is often rooted in a desire to conform to social beauty standards [j]The pervasive influence of mass media and technology has amplified the focus on physical appearance, making many people feel pressure to conform to beauty ideals and resort to surgical intervention to achieve their desired look For example, the widespread use of photo-editing applications and the proliferation of "picture-perfect" images on social media platforms have led many to seek cosmetic procedures to attain a similar level of perceived perfection This is further compounded by advances in medical technology, which have made cosmetic surgery more accessible and affordable, further fueling the increase in such procedures.[k] Notwithstanding the potential benefits of improved self-confidence and satisfaction with one's appearance, I believe that the growing trend of cosmetic surgery [l]is predominantly detrimental [m]One major problem is that it can lead to an excessive focus on external beauty or, in other words, foster a culture of superficiality, where individuals are judged primarily on their physical appearance rather than their character or abilities This could lead to a decline in self-worth for those who may not fit into the narrow definitions of beauty propagated by society Worse still, the pursuit of physical perfection can become an obsession for some individuals, leading to multiple procedures and a vicious cycle of dissatisfaction with their appearance.[n] In conclusion, the rise in cosmetic surgery can be attributed to the pressure to conform to social beauty standards and increased accessibility of these procedures From my perspective, the promotion of superficial values, coupled with the potential psychological risks, makes this development largely negative LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected Band score Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning, with a wide variety of vocabulary, used accurately and with a high level of control The prevalence [o]of cosmetic surgery has surged in recent years, with many individuals opting for procedures to enhance their appearance This essay will first outline the underlying causes of this trend, before arguing that it is more of a negative development The primary motivation for individuals seeking cosmetic surgery is often rooted in a desire to conform to social beauty standards The pervasive influence of mass media and technology has amplified the focus on physical appearance, making many people feel pressure to conform to beauty ideals and resort to surgical intervention to achieve their desired look For example, the widespread use of photo-editing applications and the proliferation of "picture-perfect" images on social media platforms have led many to seek cosmetic procedures to attain a similar level of perceived perfection This is further compounded by advances in medical technology, which have made cosmetic surgery more accessible [p]and affordable[q], further fueling the increase [r]in such procedures Notwithstanding the potential benefits of improved self-confidence and satisfaction with one's appearance, I believe that the growing trend [s]of cosmetic surgery is predominantly detrimental One major problem is that it can lead to an excessive focus on external beauty or, in other words, foster a culture of superficiality, where individuals are judged primarily on their physical appearance rather than their character or abilities This could lead to a decline in selfworth for those who may not fit into the narrow definitions of beauty propagated by society Worse still, the pursuit of physical perfection can become an obsession for some individuals, leading to multiple procedures and a vicious cycle of dissatisfaction with their appearance In conclusion, the rise in cosmetic surgery can be attributed to the pressure to conform to social beauty standards[t] and increased accessibility of these procedures From my perspective, the promotion of superficial values, coupled with the potential psychological risks, makes this development largely negative GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have not been corrected Band score Grammar is used accurately with a wide variety of structures, which should be good for a band score Punctuation is use correctly throughout Appropriate structures are used throughout Errors are rare and occur as minor slips The prevalence of cosmetic surgery has surged in recent years, with many individuals opting for procedures to enhance their appearance This essay will first outline the underlying causes of this trend, before arguing that it is more of a negative development The primary motivation for individuals seeking cosmetic surgery is often rooted in a desire to conform to social beauty standards The pervasive influence of mass media and technology has amplified the focus on physical appearance, making many people feel pressure to conform to beauty ideals and resort to surgical intervention to achieve their desired look For example, the widespread use of photo-editing applications and the proliferation of "picture-perfect" images on social media platforms have led many to seek cosmetic procedures to attain a similar level of perceived perfection This is further compounded by advances in medical technology, which have made cosmetic surgery more accessible and affordable, further fueling the increase in such procedures Notwithstanding the potential benefits of improved self-confidence and satisfaction with one's appearance, I believe that the growing trend of cosmetic surgery [u]is predominantly detrimental One major problem is that it can lead to an excessive focus on external beauty or, in other words, foster a culture of superficiality, where individuals are judged primarily on their physical appearance rather than their character or abilities This could lead to a decline in self-worth for those who may not fit into the narrow definitions of beauty propagated by society Worse still, the pursuit of physical perfection can become an obsession for some individuals, leading to multiple procedures and a vicious cycle of dissatisfaction with their appearance In conclusion, the rise in cosmetic surgery [v]can be attributed to the pressure to conform to social beauty standards and increased accessibility of these procedures From my perspective, the promotion of superficial values, coupled with the potential psychological risks, makes this development largely negative