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Trang 1 Overall band score 8.5 9+8+8+9See below C&C LR GRA Model answerWRITING TASK 2You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.Write about the following topic:Some people think that
Overall band score 8.5 9+8+8+9 See below C&C LR GRA Model answer WRITING TASK You should spend about 40 minutes on this task Write about the following topic: Some people think that the detailed criminal description on newspapers and TV has bad influences, so this kind of information should be restricted in the media Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience Write at least 250 words Original answer There has been a trend towards publishing criminal cases in detail in recent years Many people, myself included, however, believe that the government should exercise restrictions on this kind of reporting This essay will shed light on my belief by demonstrating various negative ramifications of publishing detailed descriptions of crimes The first consequence is that describing criminal cases in detail can take a toll on the victims and their families The case of a Vietnamese 9-year-old girl who was sexually assaulted by her teacher at a primary school in 2020 perfectly exemplifies this point After the allegations came to light, the media began reporting on the case, including details of the assault and the identity of the perpetrator and victim Nevertheless, according to the child's parents, the reporting had revictimized the girl and increased her trauma, throwing her into deep depression and impeding her recovery In addition to causing additional harm to the people involved, detailed descriptions of criminal cases in the media could also interfere with law enforcement’s ability to gather evidence, especially in cases where information is leaked prematurely This could impede the process of bringing perpetrators to justice Worse still, detailed information about a crime can cause prejudice and bias against the suspect or accused, even before they have had a fair trial This could potentially undermine the ability of the accused to receive fair judgements, hence wrongful convictions or the persecution of innocent individuals To summarize, for the aforementioned potential consequences, I would argue that the government should restrict media outlets from reporting on criminal cases in detail, especially sensitive ones Overall band score 8.5 9+8+8+9 TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed Your position is coherent and well-argued The ideas are relevant, extended, and coherent Other comments Better not to allow tabloids to reveal too much information to their prurient readers They can give rise to copycat crimes By reading this type of information, people can start thinking that it is normal It can traumatise the public and normalise brutality, especially in the way people binge watch this type of material on the internet Advice On Brainstorming For Task As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly ask yourself if you’re answering the question Check back to the question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're directly relevant Make sure your introduction directly addresses the question Make sure your ideas address all parts of the question If the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must suggest at least Make sure your main ideas, as stated in the first sentence of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question Make sure your supporting ideas, which follow the main ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea Be especially careful if you’ve answered similar question before, as there will always be important differences Make sure your conclusion directly answers the question, that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it does not contradict the introduction There has been a trend towards publishing criminal cases in detail in recent years Many people, myself included, however, believe that the government should exercise restrictions on this kind of reporting This essay will shed light on my belief by demonstrating various negative ramifications of publishing detailed descriptions of crimes [a] The first consequence is that describing criminal cases in detail can take a toll on the victims and their families[b] The case of a Vietnamese 9-year-old girl who was sexually assaulted by her teacher at a primary school in 2020 perfectly exemplifies this point After the allegations came to light, the media began reporting on the case, including details of the assault and the identity of the perpetrator and victim Nevertheless, according to the child's parents, the reporting had revictimized the girl and increased her trauma, throwing her into deep depression and impeding her recovery [c] In addition to causing additional harm to the people involved, detailed descriptions of criminal cases in the media could also interfere with law enforcement’s ability to gather evidence, especially in cases where information is leaked prematurely[d] This could impede the process of bringing perpetrators to justice Worse still, detailed information about a crime can cause prejudice and bias against the suspect or accused, even before they have had a fair trial This could potentially undermine the ability of the accused to receive fair judgements, hence wrongful convictions or the persecution of innocent individuals.[e] To summarize, for the aforementioned potential consequences, I would argue that the government should restrict media outlets from reporting on criminal cases in detail, especially sensitive ones.[f] C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score The organisation is excellent and easy to follow The paragraphs have a natural flow of ideas and clear central topics Use of cohesive devices and referencing is excellent throughout Paragraphing for Task I recommend you write paragraphs as follows: Write an introduction that explains what the question is After reading the introduction, the reader should have a good idea what the essay is about, and what your position (opinion) is It should be possible to write an introduction in under 50 words It is not necessary to write a long background statement Write main body paragraphs This should allow you to expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner that you’ve fully supported the main ideas If you write main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them sufficiently to get a high score If it’s a two-part question, answer the questions in the order they’re given and write one paragraph per question The main body paragraphs should be 100-120 words, and each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and or more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with reasons, evidence, and examples Do not waste time with lots of background information The topic sentences should directly address the question The conclusion should be consistent with the introduction and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas It should directly answer the question Do not leave the examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the question If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to reject one of the sides If you just restated the original ideas about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered one side more than the other It is also ok to write a third body paragraph in a to what extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and disagree with the proposition Avoid short paragraphs, with under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central topic in a short paragraph There has been a trend towards publishing criminal cases in detail in recent years Many people, myself included, however[g], believe that the government should exercise restrictions on this kind of reporting This essay will shed light on my belief by demonstrating various negative ramifications of publishing detailed descriptions of crimes The first consequence is that describing criminal cases in detail can take a toll on the victims and their families[h] The case of a Vietnamese 9-year-old girl who was sexually assaulted by her teacher at a primary school in 2020 perfectly exemplifies this point [i]After the allegations came to light, [j]the media began reporting on the case, including details of the assault and the identity of the perpetrator and victim Nevertheless[k], according to the child's parents[l], the reporting had revictimized the girl and increased her trauma, throwing her into deep depression and impeding her recovery[m] In addition to causing additional harm to the people involved, detailed descriptions of criminal cases in the media could also interfere with law enforcement’s ability to gather evidence, especially in cases where information is leaked prematurely[n] This could [o]impede the process of bringing perpetrators to justice Worse still[p], detailed information about a crime can cause prejudice and bias against the suspect or accused, even before they have had a fair trial[q] This could potentially undermine the ability of the accused to receive fair judgements, hence wrongful convictions or the persecution of innocent individuals[r] To summarize, for the aforementioned potential consequences, I would argue that the government should restrict media outlets from reporting on criminal cases in detail, especially sensitive ones LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected Band score Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning, and with only minor inaccuracies, which is good for a band score There are lots of good adjective that could be used here – graphic lurid sensationalist intrusive reporting There has been a trend towards publishing criminal cases in detail [s]in recent years Many people, myself included, however, believe that the government should exercise restrictions on this kind of reporting This essay will shed light [t]on my belief by demonstrating various negative ramifications of publishing detailed [u]descriptions of crimes The first consequence is that describing criminal cases in detail can take a toll on the victims and their families The case of a Vietnamese 9-year-old girl who was sexually assaulted by her teacher at a primary school in 2020 perfectly exemplifies this point After the allegations came to light, the media began reporting on the case, including details of the assault and the identity of the perpetrator and victim Nevertheless, according to the child's parents, the reporting had revictimized the girl and increased her trauma, throwing her into deep depression and impeding her recovery In addition to causing additional harm to the people involved, detailed descriptions of criminal cases in the media could also interfere with law enforcement’[v]s ability [w]to gather evidence, especially in cases where information is leaked prematurely This could impede the process of bringing perpetrators to justice Worse still, detailed information about a crime can cause prejudice and bias against the suspect or accused, even before they have had a fair trial[x] This could potentially undermine the ability of the accused to receive fair judgements, hence wrongful convictions or the persecution of innocent individuals To summarize, for the aforementioned potential consequences, I would argue that the government should restrict media outlets from reporting on criminal cases in detail, especially sensitive ones GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have not been corrected Band score Grammar is used accurately with a wide variety of structures, which should be good for a band score Punctuation is used correctly throughout Appropriate structures are used throughout There has been a trend towards publishing criminal cases in detail in recent years Many people, myself included, however, believe that the government should exercise restrictions on this kind of reporting This essay will shed light on my belief by demonstrating various negative ramifications of publishing detailed descriptions of crimes The first consequence is that describing criminal cases in detail can take a toll on the victims and their families The case of a Vietnamese 9-year-old girl who was sexually assaulted by her teacher at a primary school in 2020 perfectly exemplifies this point After the allegations came to light, the media began reporting on the case, including details of the assault and the identity of the perpetrator and victim Nevertheless, according to the child's parents, the reporting had revictimized the girl and increased her trauma, throwing her into deep depression and impeding her recovery In addition to causing additional harm to the people involved, detailed descriptions of criminal cases in the media could also interfere with law enforcement’s ability to gather evidence, especially in cases where information is leaked prematurely This could impede the process of bringing perpetrators to justice Worse still, detailed information about a crime can cause prejudice and bias against the suspect or accused, even before they have had a fair trial[y] This could potentially undermine the ability of the accused to receive fair judgements, hence[z] wrongful convictions or the persecution of innocent individuals To summarize, for the aforementioned potential consequences, I would argue that the government should restrict media outlets from reporting on criminal cases in detail, especially sensitive ones