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Despite some legitimate concerns, I believe this commercialization is a welcome development overall.Granted, opponents might argue the influx of visitors to remote areas can take a toll
Overall band score 8.5 8+9+9+9 See below C&C LR GRA Model answer WRITING TASK You should spend about 40 minutes on this task Write about the following topic: Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience Write at least 250 words Original answer It is widely recognized that visiting areas and communities off the beaten track is gaining more popularity, with many travel agencies offering organized tours for those interested Despite some legitimate concerns, I believe this commercialization is a welcome development overall Granted, opponents might argue the influx of visitors to remote areas can take a toll on the local environment Tourists, they say, may damage natural habitats through activities such as trampling vegetation or throwing garbage all over the place These problems, however, are far from insolvable, with the local authorities ramping up their efforts to protect the environment This has proven successful in the Galapagos Islands, a popular ecotourism destination in Ecuador The local government here has strictly limited the number of visitors to sensitive areas, as well as imposing hefty fines for those who violate their environmental regulations Thanks to this, even in the face of increasing tourism, the natural beauty of the islands still remains largely intact.The argument in favor of the commercialization of remote locations and communities is further fortified by the numerous benefits it can confer upon the locals First, the development of tourism can create employment opportunities for indigenous people in such areas as food and beverage, accommodation, and transportation Also, organized tours can help promote local businesses and products like crafts and souvenirs, providing a market for local producers These opportunities can provide higher incomes for families and improve their standard of living as a result This effect can be seen in the Galapagos Islands, where the average residents are now reported to enjoy a much higher living standard with access to a wide range of facilities and services, something that had been non-existent before tourism took place and the traditional livelihoods were limited In conclusion, although there are some concerns about the environmental implications of increasing tourism in far-flung areas and communities, I would contend that these problems can be countered with government intervention In addition, this trend is generally a positive, considering the improvements it can make to the locals’ lives Overall band score 8.5 8+9+9+9 TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed Your position is coherent and well-argued The ideas are relevant, extended and there are no contradictions The example of the Galapagos is good, but I wouldn’t assume all remote areas are equally well protected Other ideas/suggestions You could introduce a proviso – provided that tourists understand and respect […] The construction of infrastructure damages the environment, however “sustainable” they claim it to be Thanks for not mentioning CO2 Negative effects of tourism — The lives of local people are changed – it may be great that they can make some money, but their traditional lives may be lost People working with tourists can end up making more money than people living traditional lifestyles, which may mean the traditions are lost or die out Advice On Brainstorming For Task As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly ask yourself if you’re answering the question Check back to the question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're directly relevant Make sure your introduction directly addresses the question Make sure your ideas address all parts of the question If the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must suggest at least Make sure your main ideas, as stated in the first sentence of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question Make sure your supporting ideas, which follow the main ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea Be especially careful if you’ve answered similar question before, as there will always be important differences Make sure your conclusion directly answers the question, that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it does not contradict the introduction It is widely recognized that visiting areas and communities off the beaten track is gaining more popularity, with many travel agencies offering organized tours for those interested Despite some legitimate concerns, I believe this commercialization is a welcome development overall.[a] Granted, opponents might argue the influx of visitors to remote areas can take a toll on the local environment[b] Tourists, they say, may damage natural habitats through activities such as trampling vegetation or throwing garbage all over the place These problems, however, are far from insolvable, with the local authorities ramping up their efforts to protect the environment This has proven successful in the Galapagos Islands, a popular ecotourism destination in Ecuador The local government here has strictly limited the number of visitors to sensitive areas, as well as imposing hefty fines for those who violate their environmental regulations Thanks to this, even in the face of increasing tourism, the natural beauty [c]of the islands still remains largely intact The argument in favor of the commercialization of remote locations and communities is further fortified by the numerous benefits it can confer upon the locals First, the development of tourism can create employment opportunities for indigenous people in such areas as food and beverage, accommodation, and transportation Also, organized tours can help promote local businesses and products like crafts and souvenirs, providing a market for local producers These opportunities can provide higher incomes for families and improve their standard of living as a result This effect can be seen in the Galapagos Islands, where the average residents are now reported to enjoy a much higher living standard with access to a wide range of facilities and services, something that had been nonexistent before tourism took place and the traditional livelihoods were limited [d] In conclusion, although there are some concerns about the environmental implications of increasing tourism in far-flung areas and communities, I would contend that these problems can be countered with government intervention In addition, this trend is generally a positive, considering the improvements it can make to the locals’ lives.[e] C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected Band score Excellent cohesion and coherence throughout, with no errors The sentences have a natural flow characteristic of high band score answers Paragraphing for Task I recommend you write paragraphs as follows: Write an introduction, that explains what the question is After reading the introduction, the reader should have a good idea what the essay is about, and what your position (opinion) is It should be possible to write an introduction in under 50 words It is not necessary to write a long background statement Write main body paragraphs This should allow you to expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner that you’ve fully supported the main ideas If you write main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them sufficiently to get a high score If it’s a two-part question, answer the questions in the order they’re given and write one paragraph per question The main body paragraphs should be 100-120 words, and each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and or more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with reasons, evidence, and examples Do not waste time with lots of background information The topic sentences should directly address the question The conclusion should be consistent with the introduction and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas It should directly answer the question Do not leave the examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the question If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to reject one of the sides If you just restated the original ideas about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered one side more than the other It is also ok to write a third body paragraph in a to what extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and disagree with the proposition Avoid short paragraphs, with under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central topic in a short paragraph It is widely recognized that visiting areas and communities off the beaten track is gaining more popularity, with many travel agencies offering organized tours for those interested[f] Despite some legitimate concerns[g], I believe this commercialization is a welcome development overall.[h] Granted, opponents might argue the influx of visitors to remote areas can take a toll on the local environment[i] Tourists, they say, may damage natural habitats through activities such as trampling vegetation or throwing garbage all over the place These problems, however, are far from insolvable[j], with the local authorities ramping up their efforts to protect the environment This has proven successful in [k]the Galapagos Islands, a popular ecotourism destination in Ecuador The local government here has strictly limited the number of visitors to sensitive areas, as well as imposing hefty fines for those who [l]violate their environmental regulations Thanks to this[m], even in the face of [n]increasing tourism, the natural beauty of the islands still remains largely intact The argument in favor of the commercialization of remote locations and communities is further fortified by the numerous benefits it can confer upon the locals[o] First[p], the development of tourism can create employment opportunities for indigenous people in such areas as [q]food and beverage, accommodation, and transportation Also, organized tours can help promote local businesses and products like crafts and souvenirs, providing a market [r]for local producers These opportunities [s]can provide higher incomes for families and improve their standard of living as a result This effect can be seen in [t]the Galapagos Islands, where the average residents are now [u][v]reported to enjoy a much higher living standard with access to a wide range of facilities and services, something that had been non-existent [w]before tourism took place and the traditional livelihoods were limited In conclusion, although [x]there are some concerns about the environmental implications of increasing tourism in far-flung areas and communities, I would contend that these problems can be countered with government intervention In addition[y], this trend is generally a positive, considering the improvements it can make to the locals’ lives LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected Band score Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning, with a wide variety of vocabulary, used accurately and with a high level of control Minor inaccuracies as seen in my suggestions are not sufficient to affect your score It is widely recognized that visiting areas and communities off the beaten track is gaining more popularity, with many travel agencies offering organized tours for those interested Despite some legitimate concerns, I believe this commercialization is a welcome development overall Granted, opponents might argue the influx of visitors to remote areas can take a toll on the local environment Tourists, they say, may damage natural habitats through activities such as trampling vegetation or throwing garbage all over the place[z] These problems, however, are far from insolvable[aa], with the local authorities ramping up their efforts to protect the environment This has proven successful in the Galapagos Islands, a popular ecotourism destination in [ab]Ecuador The local government here has strictly limited the number of visitors to sensitive areas, as well as imposing hefty fines for [ac]those who violate their environmental regulations Thanks to this, even in the face of increasing tourism, the natural beauty of the islands still remains largely intact The argument in favor of the commercialization of remote locations and communities is further fortified by the numerous benefits it can confer upon the locals First, the development of tourism can create employment opportunities for indigenous people in such areas as food and beverage, accommodation, and transportation Also, organized tours can help promote local businesses and products like crafts and souvenirs, providing a market for local producers These opportunities can provide higher incomes for families and improve their standard of living as a result This effect can be seen in the Galapagos Islands, where the average residents are now reported to enjoy a much higher living standard with access to a wide range of facilities and services, something that had been nonexistent before tourism took place [ad]and the traditional livelihoods were limited[ae] In conclusion, although there are some concerns about the environmental implications of increasing tourism in far-flung areas and communities, I would contend that these problems can be countered with government intervention[af] In addition, this trend is generally a positive, considering the improvements it can make to the locals’ lives GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have not been corrected Band score Grammar is used accurately a wide variety of structures, which should be good for a band score Punctuation is use correctly throughout Appropriate structures are used throughout It is widely recognized that visiting areas and communities off the beaten track is gaining more popularity, with many travel agencies offering organized tours for those interested Despite some legitimate concerns, I believe this commercialization is a welcome development overall Granted, opponents might argue the influx of visitors to remote areas can take a toll on the local environment Tourists, they say, may damage natural habitats through activities such as trampling vegetation or throwing garbage all over the place These problems, however, are far from insolvable, with the local authorities ramping up their efforts to protect the environment This has proven successful in the Galapagos Islands, a popular ecotourism destination in Ecuador The local government here has strictly limited the number of visitors to sensitive areas, as well as imposing hefty fines for those who violate their environmental regulations Thanks to this, even in the face of increasing tourism, the natural beauty of the islands still remains largely intact The argument in favor of the commercialization of remote locations and communities is further fortified by the numerous benefits it can confer upon the locals First, the development of tourism can create employment opportunities for indigenous people in such areas as food and beverage[ag], accommodation, and transportation Also, organized tours can help promote local businesses and products like crafts and souvenirs, providing a market for local producers These opportunities can provide higher incomes for families and improve their standard of living as a result This effect can be seen in the Galapagos Islands, where the average residents are now reported to enjoy a much higher living standard with access to a wide[ah] range of facilities and services, something that had been nonexistent before tourism took place and the traditional livelihoods were limited In conclusion, although there are some concerns about the environmental implications of increasing tourism in far-flung areas and communities, I would contend that these problems can be countered with government intervention In addition, this trend is generally a positive, considering the improvements it can make to the locals’ lives