Anne severn and the fieldings

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TheProjectGutenbergEBookofAnneSevernandtheFieldings,byMay Sinclair ThiseBookisfortheuseofanyoneanywhereatnocostandwithalmostno restrictionswhatsoever Youmaycopyit,giveitawayorre-useitunderthe termsoftheProjectGutenbergLicenseincludedwiththiseBookoronlineat www.gutenberg.net Title:AnneSevernandtheFieldings Author:MaySinclair ReleaseDate:January29,2004[EBook#10817] Language:English ***STARTOFTHISPROJECTGUTENBERGEBOOKANNESEVERN ANDTHEFIELDINGS*** ProducedbySuzanneShell,TerryGillilandandPGDistributedProofreaders ANNESEVERNANDTHE FIELDINGS By MAYSINCLAIR 1922 CONTENTS CHAPTER IChildren IIAdolescents IIIAnneandJerrold IVRobert VEliotandAnne VIQueenie VIIAdeline VIIIAnneandColin IXJerrold XEliot XIInterim XIIColin,Jerrold,andAnne XIIIAnneandJerrold XIVMaisie XVAnne,Jerrold,andMaisie XVIAnne,Maisie,andJerrold XVIIJerrold,Maisie,Anne,Eliot XVIIIJerroldandAnne XIXAnneandEliot XXJerrold,Maisie,andAnne ANNESEVERNANDTHEFIELDINGS I CHILDREN i AnneSevernhadcomeagaintotheFieldings Thistimeitwasbecauseher motherwasdead Shehadn'tbeeninthehousefiveminutesbeforesheasked"Where's Jerrold?" "Fancy,"theysaid,"herremembering." AndJerroldhadputhisheadinatthedoorandgoneoutagainwhenhesawher thereinherblackfrock;andsomehowshehadknownhewasafraidtocomein becausehermotherwasdead HerfatherhadbroughthertoWyck-on-the-Hillthatmorning,thedayafterthe funeral HewouldleavehertherewhenhewentbacktoIndia Shewaswalkingnowdownthelawnbetweenthetwotallmen Theywere takinghertothepondatthebottomwherethegoldfishwere ItwasJerrold's fatherwhoheldherhandandtalkedtoher Hehadanicebrownfacemarked withalotoflittlefine,smilingstrokes,andhiseyeswerequickandkind "Yourememberthegoldfish,Anne?" "Iremembereverything." Shehadbeensuchalittlegirlbefore,andtheysaidshehadforgotten ButsherememberedsowellthatshealwaysthoughtofMr FieldingasJerrold's father Sherememberedthepondandthegoldfish Jerroldheldhertightsothat sheshouldn'ttumblein Sherememberedthebiggreyandyellowhousewithits nineball-toppedgables;andthelawn,shutinbyclippedyewhedges,then spreadingdownwards,likeafan,fromthelastgreenterracewherethetwo enormouspeacocksstood,carvedoutoftheyew Whereitlayflatandstillunderthegreenwallshesawthetenniscourt Jerrold wasthere,knockingballsoverthenettopleaselittleColin Shecouldseehim flingbackhisheadandlaughasColinranstumbling,wavinghisracquetbefore himlikeastiffflag SheheardColinsquealwithexcitementastheballsflewout ofhisreach Herfatherwastalkingabouther Hisvoicewassharpandanxious "Idon'tknowhowshe'llgetonwithyourboys."(Healwaystalkedabout Anneasifshewasn'tthere.)"Ten'sanawkwardage She'stoooldfor ColinandtooyoungforEliotandJerrold." Sheknewtheirages Colinwasonlyseven Eliot,thecleverone,wasverybig; hewasfifteen Jerroldwasthirteen SheheardJerrold'sfatheransweringinhisquietvoice "Youneedn'tworry Jerry'lllookafterAnneallright." "AndAdeline." "Ohyes,ofcourse,Adeline."(Onlysomehowhemadeitsoundasifshe wouldn't.) AdelinewasMrs Fielding Jerrold'smother Annewantedtogetawayfromthequiet,seriousmenandplaywithJerrold;but theirideaseemedtobethatitwastoosoon Toosoonafterthefuneral Itwould beallrighttogoquietlyandlookatthegoldfish;butno,nottoplay Whenshe thoughtofherdeadmothershewasafraidtotellthemthatshedidn'twanttogo andlookatthegoldfish Itwasasifsheknewthatsomethingsadwaitedforher bythepondatthebottom ShewouldbesaferovertherewhereJerroldwas laughingandshouting Shewouldplaywithhimandhewouldn'tbeafraid ThedayfeltlikeaSunday,quiet,quiet,exceptforthenoiseofJerrold'slaughter Strangeandexciting,hisboy'svoicerangthroughhersadness;itmadeherturn herheadagainandagaintolookafterhim;itcalledtohertoforgetandplay Littleslimbrownminnowsdartedbackwardsandforwardsundertheolivegreen waterofthepond Andeverynowandthenthefatgoldfishcamenosingalong, orange,withsilverpatches,shining,makingthewaterlightroundthem,stiff mouthswideopen Whentheybobbedup,smallbubblesbrokefromthemand sparkledandwentout Annerememberedthegoldfish;butsomehowtheywerenotsofascinatingas theyusedtobe Aqueerplantgrewontherockborderofthepond Greenfleshystems,with bluntspikesalloverthem Eachcarriedatinygoldstaratitstip Thick,cold juicewouldcomeoutofitifyousqueezedit Shethoughtitwouldsmelllike lavender Ithadaname Shetriedtothinkofit Stonecrop Stonecrop Suddenlysheremembered Hermotherstoodwithherbythepond,darkandwhiteandslender Anneheld outherhandssmearedwiththecrushedfleshofthestonecrop;hermother stoopedandwipedthemwithherpockethandkerchief,andtherewasasmellof lavender Thegoldfishwentswimmingbyintheolive-greenwater Anne'ssadnesscameoverheragain;sadnesssoheavythatitkeptherfrom crying;sadnessthatcrushedherbreastandmadeherthroatache Theywentbackupthelawn,quietly,andthedayfeltmoreandmorelike Sunday,orlike—likeafuneralday "She'sverysilent,thissmalldaughterofyours,"Mr Fieldingsaid "Yes,"saidMr Severn Hisvoicecamewithastiffjerk,asifitchokedhim Heremembered,too ii Thegreyandyellowflagstonesoftheterracewerehotunderyourfeet Jerrold'smotherlayoutthereonapileofcushions,inthesun Shewasvery largeandverybeautiful Shelayonherside,heavedupononeelbow Underher thinwhitegownyoucouldseethebiglinesofhershoulderandhip,andofher longfullthigh,taperingtotheknee Annecrouchedbesideher,uncomfortably,holdingherlittlebodyawayfromthe greatwarmmassamongthecushions Mrs Fieldingwasawareofthisshrinking Sheputoutherarmanddrew Annetohersideagain "Leanback,"shesaid "Close Closer." AndAnnewouldleanclose,politely,foraminute,andthenstiffenandshrink awayagainwhenthesoftarmslackened EliotFielding(thecleverone)layonhisstomach,stretchedoutacrossthe terrace Heleanedoverabook:AnimalBiology Hewasabsorbedinadiagram ofarabbit'sheartandtooknonoticeofhismotherorofAnne AnnehadbeenattheManorfivedays,andshehadgotusedtoJerrold'smother's caresses Allbutone EverynowandthenMrs Fielding'shandwouldstrayto thebackofAnne'sneck,wheretheshortcurls,blackasherfrock,sprangoutina thickbunch ThefingersstirredamongtherootsofAnne'shair,stroking, stroking,liftingthebunchandlettingitfallagain Andwhenevertheydidthis Annejerkedherheadawayandhelditstifflyoutoftheirreach Sherememberedhowhermother'sfingers,slenderandsilk-skinnedandloving, haddonejustthat,andhowtheirtouchwentthrillingthroughthebackofher neck,howitmadeherheartbeat Mrs Fielding'sfingersdidn'tthrillyou,they werebluntandfumbling Annethought:"She'snobusinesstotouchmelikethat Nobusinesstothinkshecandowhatmotherdid." Shewasalwaysdoingit,alwaystryingtobeamothertoher Herfatherhadtold hershewasgoingtotry AndAnnewouldn'tlether Shewouldnotlether "Whydoyoumoveyourheadaway,darling?" Annedidn'tanswer "Youusedtoloveit Youusedtocomebendingyourfunnylittleneckand turningfirstoneearandthantheother Likealittlecat Andnowyouwon'tlet metouchyou." "No No Not—likethat." "Yes Yes Likethis Youdon'tremember." "Idoremember." Shefeltthebluntfingersonherneckagainandstartedup Thebeautiful,wilful womanlaybackonhercushions,smilingtoherself "You'reafunnylittlething,aren'tyou?"shesaid Anne'seyeswereglassed Sheshookherheadfiercelyandspilledtears Jerroldhadcomeupontotheterrace Colintrottedafterhim Theywerelooking ather Eliothadraisedhisheadfromhisbookandwaslookingather "Itisrottenofyou,mater,"hesaid,"toteasethatkid." "I'mnotteasingher Really,Eliot,youdosaythings—asifnobodybutyourself hadanysense Youcanrunawaynow,Annedarling." Annestoodstaring,withwildanimaleyesthatsawnoplacetorunto ItwasJerroldwhosavedher "Isay,wouldyouliketoseemynewbuckrabbit?" "Rather!" Heheldouthishandandsheranonwithhim,alongtheterrace,downthesteps atthecornerandupthedrivetothestableyardwheretherabbitswere Colin followedheadlong AndasshewentAnneheardEliotsaying,"I'vesenseenoughtorememberthat hermother'sdead." Inhisworsttemperstherewasalwayssomefiercepity iii Mrs Fieldinggatheredherselftogetherandrose,withdignity,stillsmiling It wasasmileofgreatsweetness,infinitelyremotefromalldiscussion "It'smuchtoohothere,"shesaid "Youmightmovethecushionsdownthere underthebeech-tree." That,Eliotputittohimself,wasjustherwayofgettingoutofit ToEliotthe irritatingthingabouthismotherwasherdexterityingettingout Sheneverlost hertemper,andneverrepliedtoanyseriouscriticism;shesimplychangedthe subject,leavingyouwithyourdisapprovalonyourhands InthisEliot'syoungsubtletymisledhim AdelineFielding'smindwasnotthe clever,calculatingthingthat,atfifteen,hethoughtit Heronesimpleideawasto behappyand,asameanstothatend,tohavepeoplehappyabouther Hisfather, orAnne'sfather,couldhavetoldhimthatallherideasweresimpleasfeelings andimpromptu Impulsemovedher,onemoment,toseizeonthefaithful,defiant littleheartofAnne,thenext,togetupoutofthesun Anne'stearsspoiledher brightworld;butnotforlong Coolnesswasnowtheimportantthing,notAnne andnotAnne'smother AsforEliot'sdisapproval,shewasnolongerawareofit "Oh,tobecool,tobecoolagain!Thankyou,myson." Eliothadmovedallthecushionsdownunderthetree,scowlingashedidit,for heknewthatwhenhismotherwasreallycoolhewouldhavetogetupandmove thembackagain Withtheperfectcurveofagreatsuppleanimal,sheturnedandsettledinherlair, underhertree Presently,downthestepsandacrossthelawn,Anne'sfathercametowardsher, grave,handsome,andalone "No It'sIwho'llgoaway." "ButIwantyoutohavetheManorand—andeverything Colin'lllookafterthe estateforme." "DoyouthinkIcouldstayhereafteryou'dgone?…No,Jerry,Ican'tdothatfor you Youcan'tmakeitupthatway." "Iwasn'tdreamingofmakingitup Isimplyoweyoueverything,everlastingly, andthere'snothingIcando Ionlyrememberedthatyoulikedthegarden." "Icouldn'tbearit Ishouldhatethegarden Ishouldhatethewholeplace." "I'vedonethattoyou?" "Yes,you'vedonethattome Itcan'tbehelped." "But,whatwillyoudo,Maisie?" "Ishallgobacktomyownpeople Theyhappentocareforme." Thatwasheronereproach "DoyouthinkIdon't?" "Ohno I'vedonetheonlythingthatwouldmakeyoucare Perhapsthat'swhatI diditfor." Hetookthehandshegavehimandbowedhisheadoveritandkissedit iii MaisiehadalongtalkwithEliotafterJerroldhadlefther Shewasstilltranquilandcomposed,butJerroldwasworried Hewasafraidlest theemotionrousedbyhisconfessionshouldbringonherpain ThatnightEliot sleptinhisfather'sroom,sothathecouldgotoheriftheattackcame Butitdidnotcome LateintheafternoonJerroldwentdowntotheBarrowFarmandsawAnne Hecamebackwithamessagefromher AnnewantedtoseeMaisie,if Maisiewouldlether "Butshethinksyouwon't,"hesaid "WhyshouldI?" "She'sdesperatelyunhappy." Sheturnedfromhimasifshewouldhavelefthim,andthenstayed "Youwantmetoseeher?" "Ifyouwouldn'thateittoomuch." "Ishallhateit ButI'llseeher Goandbringher." ShedreadedmorethananythingthesightofAnne Hernewknowledgeofher madeAnnestrangeandterrible Shefeltthatshewouldbesomehowdifferent Shewouldseesomethinginherthatshehadneverseenbefore,thatshecouldn't beartosee Anne'sfacewouldshowherthatJerroldwasherlover Yet,ifshehadneverseenthatlook,ifshehadneverseenanythinginAnne's facethatwasnotbeautiful,whatdidthatmeanbutthatAnne'sloveforhimwas beautiful?Beforeithadtouchedherbodyithadlivedalongtimeinhersoul EitherAnne'ssoulwasbeautifulbecauseofit,oritwasbeautifulbecauseof Anne'ssoul;andMaisieknewthatifshetoowastobebeautifulshemustkeep safethebeautyoftheirpassionasshehadkeptsafethebeautyoftheir friendship Itwasclearandhard,unbreakableascrystal Shehadbeentheone flawinit,thethingthathaddamageditsperfection NowthatshehadletJerrold goitwouldbeperfect Annestoodinthedoorwayofthelibrary,lookingatherandnotspeaking She wasthesamethatshehadbeenyesterday,andbeforethat,andbeforethat; dressedinthefarmclothesthatwerethequeerroughsettingofhercharm The same,exceptthatshewasstillmorebroken,stillmorebeaten,andstillmore beautifulinherdefeat "Anne—" Maisiegotupandwaited,asAnneshutthedoorandstoodtherewithherbackto it "Maisie—Idon'tknowwhyI'vecome TherewerethingsIwantedtosaytoyou, butIcan'tsaythem." "Youwanttosayyou'resorryyoutookJerroldfromme." "I'mbitterlysorry." Shecameforwardwithaslender,awkwardgrace Hereyeswerefixedon Maisie,thrownopen,expectingpain;butshedidn'tshrinkorcower Maisie'svoicecamewithitsoldsweetness "Youdidn'ttakehimfromme Youcouldn'ttakewhatIhaven'tgot." "Igavehimup,Maisie Icouldn'tbearit." "AndI'vegivenhimup Icouldn'tbearit,either But,"shesaid,"itwasharder foryou Youhadhim I'monlygivingupwhatI'veneverreallyhad Don'tbetoo unhappyaboutit." "IshallalwaysbeunhappywhenIthinkofyou You'vebeensuchanangelto me Ifwecouldonlyhavetoldyou." "Yes Ifonlyyou'dtoldme Thatwaswhereyouwentwrong,Anne." "Icouldn'ttellyou Youweresoill Ithoughtitwouldkillyou." "Well,whatifithad?Youshouldn'thavethoughtofme,youshouldhave thoughtofJerrold." "Ididthinkofhim Ididn'twanthimtohaveagoniesofremorse It'sbeenbad enoughasitis." "Iknowwhatit'sbeen,Anne." "That'swhatIreallycamefornow Toseeifyou'dhadthatpainagain." "Youneedn'tbeafraid Ishallneverhavethatpainagain Eliottoldmeallabout itlastnight." "Whatdidhesay?" "Heshowedmehowitallhappened IwasillbecauseIcouldn'tfacethetruth ThetruthwasthatJerrolddidn'tcareforme Itseemsmymindknewitallthe timewhenIdidn't Ididknowitonce,andpartofmewentonfeelingtheshock ofit,whiletheotherpartwaslivinglikeafoolinanillusion,thinkinghecared AndnowI'vebeendraggedoutofitintoreality I'mfacingit Thisisreal And whateverImaybeIshan'tbeillagain,notwiththatillness Icouldn'thelpit,but inawayitwasasfalseasifI'dmadeituponpurposetohidethetruth Andthe truth'scuredme." "Eliottoldmeitmight AndIwouldn'tbelievehim." "Youcanbelievehimnow HesaidyouandJerroldwereallrightbecauseyou'd facedthetruthaboutyourselvesandeachother Youheldontoreality." "Eliotsaidthat?" "Yes Hesaiditwasthetestofeverybody,howtheytookreality,andthatJerrold hadhadtolearnhow,butthatyouhadalwaysknown Youweresotruethatyour worstpunishmentwasnotbeingabletotellmethetruth Iwastothinkofyou likethat." "Howcanyoubeartothinkofmeatall?" "HowcanIbeartolive?ButIshalllive." Maisie'svoicedropped,notebynote,likeclear,roundedtears,pressedoutand shapedbypain Anne'svoicecamethickandquiveringoutofherdarksecretanguish,likea voicefrombehindshutdoors "Jerroldsaidyou'dforgivenme Haveyou?" "ItwouldbeeasierforyouifIdidn't ButIcan'thelpforgivingyouwhenyou're sounhappy Iwouldn'thaveforgivenyouifyouhadn'ttoldmethetruth,ifI'd hadtofinditoutthattimewhenyouwerehappy ThenI'dhavehatedyou." "Youdon'tnow?" "No Idon'twanttoseeyouagain,orJerrold,either,foralongtime Butthat'sbecauseIloveyou." "Me?" "Yes,youtoo,Anne." "Howcanyouloveme?" "BecauseI'mlikeyou,Anne;I'mfaithful." "Iwasn'tfaithfultoyou,Maisie." "YouweretoJerrold." Annestillstoodthere,silent,takinginsilencethepainofMaisie'sgoodness, Maisie'slove ThenMaisieendedit "He'swaitingforyou,"shesaid,"totakeyouhome." Annewenttohimwherehestoodbytheterracesteps,illuminatedbythelight fromthewindows InthereshecouldhearColinplaying,aloud,tempestuous music Jerroldwaited Shewentpasthimdownthestepswithoutaword,andhefollowedherthrough thegarden "Anne—"hesaid Undertheblacknessoftheyewhedgesheturnedtohim,andtheirhandsmet "Don'tbeafraid,"hesaid "NextweekI'lltakeyouawaysomewheretillit's over." "Where?" "Oh,somewherealongwayoff,whereyou'llbehappy." Somewherealongwayoff,beyondthispain,beyondthisdayandthisnight, theirjoywaited "AndMaisie?"shesaid "Maisiewantsyoutobehappy." Heheldherbythehandasheusedtoholdherwhentheywerechildren,tokeep hersafe Andhandinhand,likechildren,theywentdownthroughthetwilightof thefields,together EndofProjectGutenberg'sAnneSevernandtheFieldings,byMaySinclair ***ENDOFTHISPROJECTGUTENBERGEBOOKANNESEVERNAND THEFIELDINGS*** *****Thisfileshouldbenamed10817.txtor10817.zip*****Thisandall associatedfilesofvariousformatswillbefoundin: http://www.gutenberg.net/1/0/8/1/10817/ ProducedbySuzanneShell,TerryGillilandandPGDistributedProofreaders Updatededitionswillreplacethepreviousone—theoldeditionswillbe renamed Creatingtheworksfrompublicdomainprinteditionsmeansthatnooneownsa UnitedStatescopyrightintheseworks,sotheFoundation(andyou!)cancopy anddistributeitintheUnitedStateswithoutpermissionandwithoutpaying copyrightroyalties Specialrules,setforthintheGeneralTermsofUsepartof thislicense,applytocopyinganddistributingProjectGutenberg-tmelectronic workstoprotectthePROJECTGUTENBERG-tmconceptandtrademark 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