IT training readers digest UK TruePDF march 2019

148 51 0
IT training readers digest UK TruePDF march 2019

Đang tải... (xem toàn văn)

Tài liệu hạn chế xem trước, để xem đầy đủ mời bạn chọn Tải xuống

Thông tin tài liệu

R E A D E R ’ S HEALTH • MONEY • TRAVEL • RECIPES • FASHION • TECHNOLOGY D I G E S T MARCH 2019 | S M A L L A N D HIGH TIME P E R F E C T LY Is Britain Ready For Legalised Cannabis? Suzi Quatro I N F O R M E D On Grief, Guitars And Gender | INSPIRE M A R C H Best Of British Homes Of Great Artists readersdigest.co.uk MARCH 2019 £3.79 Contents MARCH 2019 Features 16 IT’S A MANN’S WORLD 28 Olly Mann ponders Britain’s unique relationship with booze p ENTERTAINMENT 20 INTERVIEW: SIMON AMSTELL The actor and comedian on overcoming his fear of intimacy and finding inner peace 28 “I REMEMBER”: SUZI QUATRO The rock star looks back on her fascinating life and career 78 p HEALTH 38 BEATING ARRHYTHMIA More than million people in the UK experience irregular heartbeat—are you one of them? 56 PARENTS SAYING NO TO ‘KEEPING MUM’ Could mental health troubles actually improve your parenting? 64 LISTEN UP Amazing facts about the human ear and the fascinating process of hearing COVER ILLUSTRATION © DANNY ALLISON 70 INSPIRE MEDICAL MARIJUANA Is Britain headed down the path to legalising cannabis? 78 BEST OF BRITISH: ARTISTS’ HOUSES We explore the houses of some of Britain’s most vibrant artists TR AVEL & ADVENTURE 90 CELEBRATING CIDER Delve into the rich culture of cider in Spain’s Basque region MARCH 2019 • DIGESTED N E W M O N T H LY P O D CA S T Each month Reader’s Digest navigate the woes and wonders of modern life, weighing in with leading experts on the everyday tools we need to survive and thrive in 2019 To subscribe to Digested for monthly episodes—including our latest, “The Happy Ever After Myth”—visit readersdigest.co.uk/podcast or search “Digested” on iTunes SUBSCRIBE TODAY FREE Contents MARCH 2019 In every issue 12 Over to You See the World Differently 46 50 HEALTH Advice: Susannah Hickling Column: Dr Max Pemberton 106 INSPIRE If I Ruled the World: Alfie Boe p 98 100 TRAVEL & ADVENTURE My Great Escape Foodie Retreats 114 102 MONEY Column: Andy Webb 86 FOOD & DRINK Tasty recipes and ideas from Rachel Walker 106 HOME & GARDEN Column: Cassie Pryce 110 86 p 116 FASHION & BEAUTY Column: Lisa Lennkh on how to look your best Beauty 118 ENTERTAINMENT March’s cultural highlights 122 127 BOOKS March Fiction: James Walton’s recommended reads Books That Changed My Life: Peter May 128 TECHNOLOGY Column: Olly Mann 130 133 136 140 143 144 FUN & GAMES You Couldn’t Make It Up Word Power Brain Teasers Laugh! 60-Second Stand-Up Beat the Cartoonist MARCH 2019 • “ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR WEST END MUSICALS EVER.” Evening Standard THE UNTOLD STORY OF THE WITCHES OF OZ ©WLPL Acclaimed Acc a ed as “the hit musical with brains,, heart a d courage”” (The ( Sunday S and Telegraph),) the multi a d i i musical i l phenomenon h i now celebrating lb i award-winning is 12 spellbinding years in the West End This celebrated d i transports audiences di i l production to a stunningly r O providing wonders beyond re-imagined world off Oz, th imagination… i i i … the IIngeniously i l re-imagining i i i the h stories i andd characters h L Frank F k Baum B m in ‘The ‘ Wonderful f Wizard createdd by L C off OOz’, WICKED tells the incredible untold story off aan unlikely ffriendship between two sorcery students Their extraordinary adventures in OOz will ultimately ssee them ffulfifil their destinies as Glinda G G d The Good aandd the h Wicked Witch off the West West.t APOLLO VICTORIA THEATRE • LONDON • tickets.readersdigest.co.uk • 020 7400 1238 SENIOR EDITORS Anna Walker, Eva Mackevic EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Jessica Summers ART DIRECTOR Richard Cooke ADVERTISING Jigs Pankhania MARKETING Sarah Hughes HEAD OF FINANCE Santwana Singh FINANCE MANAGER Irving Efren TRUSTED MEDIA BRANDS INC (USA) President and Chief Executive Officer Bonnie Kintzer Vice President, Chief Operating Officer International Brian Kennedy Editor-in-Chief, International Magazines Raimo Moysa For all subscriber enquiries, please use the customer services number below WRITE TO US! SEND US YOUR STORIES, JOKES AND LETTERS OR VISIT OUR WEBSITE WE PAY £50 for the star letter and £30 for regular letters Email readersletters@readers digest.co.uk or go to readers digest.co.uk/contact-us WE ALSO PAY £30 for the true stories, anecdotes, jokes in Laugh! and You Couldn’t Make It Up…, and contributions to end-ofarticle fillers and My Great Escape Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk or go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us SORRY! We cannot acknowledge or return unpublished items or unsolicited article-length manuscripts Do not send SAEs Article-length stories, poetry and cartoons are not requested CUSTOMER SERVICES Contact Customer Services for renewals, gifts, address changes, payments, account information and all other enquiries Call 0330 333 2220* or email customer_service@readersdigest.co.uk TALKING MAGAZINES Reader’s Digest is also available in audio and accessible etext editions from RNIB Newsagent, for blind and partially sighted readers Call the RNIB Helpline on 0303 123 9999 or visit rnib.org.uk/newsagent SUBSCRIPTIONS Annual subscriptions are available to be delivered monthly direct to your door For our latest offers please visit readersdigest.co.uk/subscribe Or telephone us today on 01778 392461 Gift subscriptions also available UK rates may vary Overseas rates: Republic of Ireland €50, Rest of the World €60 SMALL PRINT: Ensure submissions are not previously published Include your name, email, address and daytime phone number with all correspondence We may edit letters and use them in all print and electronic media Contributions used become world copyright of Vivat Direct Ltd (t/a Reader’s Digest) Reader’s Digest is a member of the Independent Press Standards Organisation (which regulates the UK’s magazine and newspaper industry) We abide by the Editors’ Code of Practice and are committed to upholding the highest standards of journalism If you think that we have not met those standards, please contact 0203 795 8886 If we are unable to resolve your complaint, or if you would like more information about IPSO or the Editors’ Code, contact IPSO on 0300 123 2220 or visit ipso.co.uk PAPER FROM SUSTAINABLE FORESTS PLEASE RECYCLE © 2017 Vivat Direct Ltd (t/a Reader’s Digest) British Reader’s Digest is published by Vivat Direct Ltd, 57 Margaret Street, London W1W 8SJ All rights reserved throughout the world Reproduction in any manner, in whole or part, in English or other languages, is prohibited Reader’s Digest is a trademark owned and under license from Trusted Media Brands, Inc, and is registered with the United States Patent and Trademark Office All rights reserved Printed by Pindar Scarborough Limited Newstrade distribution by Seymour Distribution Limited *Calls to 03 numbers cost no more than a national rate call to an 01 or 02 number and will be free if you have inclusive minutes from any type of line including mobile, BT or other fixed line MARCH 2019 • In This Issue… EDITORS’ LETTERS Holidaying in Amsterdam in January, I was surprised by the proliferation of casual cannabis use in the city Of course, I knew that the drug was decriminalised, but I wasn’t prepared for the sheer volume of “coffeeshops” (where patrons can legally smoke the weed) and cannabis-infused products—from lollipops, to bath salts, to herbal teas—that were readily available to the passing tourist It was hard to avoid the nagging thought—if cannabis use has been so readily and smoothly accepted in the Netherlands, what exactly is all the fuss about back home? On p70, Californian writer Danielle Simone Brand asks just that, explaining the effect legalisation has had on her home state, and musing on whether Britain is close to making the same move Anna Ever since I watched one of his stand-up shows many years ago, I’ve been a big fan of Simon Amstell I was struck by his unique brand of boldness, lightning wit, and the willingness to expose his most vulnerable self to the world, turning his weaknesses into an ample source of comedy and growth rather than a reason for self-flagellation As expected, our conversation turned out to be one of the most unusual interviews I’ve ever done To be in Simon’s presence is to witness an incredibly complex but kind human mind that’s constantly running at breakneck speed Read all about his discerning yet giggly musings on life, love and intimacy in the modern age on p20 Eva Follow us facebook.com/readersdigestuk twitter.com/readersdigestuk @readersdigest_uk You can also sign up to our newsletter at readersdigest.co.uk Reader’s Digest is published in 27 editions in 11 languages MARCH 2019 • Over To You LETTERS ON THE JANUARY ISSUE We pay £50 for Letter of the Month and £30 for all others Letter of THE MONTH I have just been reintroduced to your magazine after an abstention of a number of years and I have to say, I had forgotten how good and interesting the articles are I couldn’t put your January issue down until I had finished it I found the short article by Jonathon Hancock, in relation to memory training, particularly interesting and a little poignant I come from a family who are susceptible to Alzheimer’s disease in old age (I lost my father two years ago to this terrible illness) and while I accept the genetically likely consequences, I not believe in its inevitability The old adage of “use it or lose it” is as true today as it has always been The brain is a muscle that must regularly be exercised I have just acquired the Twitter app on my mobile so that I can access your daily challenge For the same reason I enjoyed your review, “The Art of Ageing” on Carl Honore’s book which I am considering purchasing Doesn’t life seem better when we adopt a positive approach? Well, I will go and organise my Reader’s Digest subscription right away! Mel Ogden, North Lincolnshire It’s never been easier to enjoy the World’s favourite magazine! HEALTH • HEALTH • MONEY • TRA VEL • REC MONEY • TRA VEL • REC IPES • FAS HION • TEC HNOLOGY IPES • FAS HION • TEC HNOLOGY MARCH 2019 JANUARY 2019 HIGH TIM E Is Britain Re ad Legalised Ca y For nnabis? Steve COOGAN Suzi Quatro On Politics, Partridge And Perfec tionism On Grief, Gu And Gend itars er Limits Of Lo gic INSPIRE CAN SCIEN C DEBU CE NK THE PARA NORMAL ? Best Of Briti sh Homes Of Great Artists reader sdiges FOR JUST £3! MARCH 2019 t.co.uk £3.79 Each must-read monthly issue covers life, culture, health, books, films, food, humour and travel alongside in-depth news features, memoirs and celebrity profiles YES I want to subscribe to Reader’s Digest Magazine for just £3 for issues (a saving of £8.37 on the shop price of £11.37 based on the cover price of £3.79 per issue) I understand that if I not wish to continue receiving Reader’s Digest after my first issues I can simply cancel my subscription by contacting customer services If I want to continue to subscribe after my first issues I need nothing and my subscription will automatically be renewed at the low rate of £7.50 for every issues until I decide otherwise INSTRUCTIONS TO YOUR BANK OR BUILDING SOCIETY TO PAY BY DIRECT DEBIT Originators reference: 400162 Please complete direct debit mandate below Name of Bank Account Holder Branch: Sort Code Name: / / Account No Address: Postcode: Telephone: Email: Return your completed form to: Reader’s Digest, The Maltings, West Street, Bourne PE10 9PH Or call us today on 0330 333 2220 Quoting code RDN060 Instructions to your bank or Building Society: Pay Reader’s Digest Direct Debits from the account detailed on this instruction subject to the safeguards assured by the Direct Debit Guarantee I understand that this instruction may remain with Reader’s Digest and if so will be passed electronically to my Bank or Building Society Signature Date Data Protection: From time to time Reader’s Digest may contact you with details of its products and services Please tick here if you object to receiving such information FUN AND GAMES IT PAYS TO INCREASE YOUR Word Power Within the month of March, we greet the proverbial lion and lamb of weather This timely quiz brings you other extremes and polar opposites So go all out (but don’t overexert yourself!), then turn the page for the answers BY EM ILY COX & H E NRY RATH VO N nethermost adj.—A: coldest B: thinnest C: lowest surfeit n.—A: utter wreck B: more than needed C: intense heat extravagant adj.—A: all gone 10 exorbitant adj.—A: shore’s edge B: mountain’s summit C: far exceeding what is fair or reasonable B: irate C: over the top acme n.—A: verge B: highest point C: overflow 11 overweening adj.—A: arrogant B: too fond of food C: severely strict culminate v.—A: fly into space B: hit the bottom C: reach a climax 12 optimal adj.—A: best B: surplus C: out of sight acute adj.—A: intense, urgent B: tiny and insignificant C: rather pretty, appealing 13 radical n.—A: supreme leader precipice n.—A: very steep side of a cliff B: earliest moment C: towering spire 14 penultimate adj.—A: next to last superlative adj—A: outstanding B: excessive C: final antithesis n.—A: the exact opposite B: end of time C: an extremely negative reaction B: extremist C: middle-of-the-roader B: most recent C: cream of the crop 15 maximal adj.—A: greatest possible B: conflicting C: the most important 16 zealotry n.—A: extreme greed B: overdone fervor C: an excess of noise MARCH 2019 • 133 WORD POWER Answers nethermost—[C] lowest No one dares explore the nethermost dungeons of this castle a surfeit of nachos but no salsa or guacamole! extravagant—[C] over the top what is fair or reasonable The cocktails had exorbitant prices How can Vivian afford to throw such extravagant parties? acme—[B] highest point Going to the top of the Empire State Building was literally the acme of our trip culminate—[C] reach a climax Nearly every scene with the Stooges in a cafeteria culminates in a pie fight acute—[A] intense, urgent Joey has an acute hankering for chocolate precipice—[A] very steep side of a cliff As Alex peered over the precipice, he developed a sudden case of acrophobia superlative—[A] outstanding Despite Ella’s superlative effort to catch the ball, it always eluded her grasp antithesis—[A] 10 exorbitant—[C] far exceeding 11 overweening—[A] arrogant I enjoy the art class, but not Professor Prigg’s overweening attitude 12 optimal—[A] best Now is perhaps not the optimal time to pester the boss about a raise 13 radical—[B] extremist We knew Julia loved her pup, but we didn’t realise what a radical she was until she tattooed its face on her back 14 penultimate—[A] next to last My penultimate finish in the marathon was my best time ever 15 maximal—[A] WORD OF THE DAY* BINDLESTIFF: A vagrant Alternative suggestions: “When the bin lid won't open” exact opposite The Beast from the East was the antithesis of our hot summer “When your spinning wheel needs oiling" surfeit—[B] more “A new form of Viagra from Germany” than needed We have 134 greatest possible “OK” is maximal praise from that old curmudgeon 16 zealotry—[B] overdone fervour Zealotry gets TV attention, but it rarely brings compromise VOCABULARY RATINGS 10 & below: In the middle 11–13: on the rise 14–16: At the apex *POST YOUR DEFINITIONS EVERY DAY AT FACEBOOK.COM/READERSDIGESTUK ADVERTISEMENT IS THE SUN SETTING ON SOLAR? The Government solar incentive ends in April 2019 Act now and take control of your energy bills REDUCED ENERGY BILLS A solar energy solution from Project Solar UK helps you save money on electricity bills and protects against price rises imposed by the big utility companies Since the turn of the century, the average energy bill has doubled (Source: The Office For National Statistics) Go solar and future proof against energy rises They are the UK’s largest domestic solar installation company and best rated company across all independent review sites and a Which Trusted Trader Their customers are in the safe hands of a dedicated and experienced team Mr and Mrs Hughes described the service as “Excellent from start to finish! I would definitely recommend them” RECEIVE A BONUS As well as reducing your electricity bills, you can also generate income from the government through a scheme known as the feed in tariff (FIT) This includes a generation tariff for the electricity you generate, and an export tariff for any extra electricity you don’t use, which is sold back to the grid Did you know that PV Solar panels only require UV light to work to their optimum, so only daylight, not sunshine, is needed to generate energy? EASY INSTALLATION Having solar panels fitted on your home is a simple, easy and hasslefree process Project Solar UK only use their own highly skilled, qualified and experienced roofers and electricians Mr Baldwin’s installation was “quick and efficient” and his home was also kept “clean and tidy” UK’s No.1 SOLAR COMPANY Over the past years Project Solar UK have completed over 18,000 solar installations LIFETIME WARRANTY Solar systems are virtually maintenance free and some come with a lifetime product and performance warranty Th is means you can be safe in the knowledge that you’ve invested in a product that will last the test of time CALL TODAY Project Solar UK provide free, noobligation advice to help you take advantage of tax-free incentives They will explain exactly how a solar system works and advise the best system configuration for you Satisfied customer Mrs Howton said, “Everything was explained to us clearly and simply, and we were contacted at every step to ensure we were happy We really cannot fault them.” EXAMPLE ENERGY SAVINGS Save on your electricity £11,695.50 Generate income from the FIT £4,000.72 Sell back to the grid (export) £2,392.04 Total saving £18,160.17* * Based on a 16 panel Evo Life 4.0kw system, south facing with a 35º pitch, located in the Midlands, with a KK of 935 and an electricity bill of £60.00 per month with a 15.57p per KW hour cost per electricity unit from the grid Please note you still have to pay for your solar system The sources for the figures used is The Office For National Statistics Figures are based over a 25 year period CALL FREE TODAY 0808 291 2397 or visit our website www.projectsolaruk.com FUN & GAMES Brainteasers Challenge yourself by solving these puzzles, then check your answers on p139 Uncle Frank’s poker set has chips worth £1, £3 and £8 What’s the smallest sum of money you could represent by two different but equalsized sets of chips? For example, you could make £9 with three £3 chips, or with a £1 chip plus an £8 chip, but those two sets are not the same size (Here’s a hint: the two sets can’t have any denomination of chip in common Otherwise you could get a smaller sum by removing the chips that match.) O O X X X O O O O O O X O X O X X O 136 • MARCH 2019 O O O X O X FOUR-BIDDEN Place an X or an O in each empty cell of this grid so that there are no four consecutive Xs or Os appearing horizontally, vertically or diagonally There’s only one solution; can you find it? (THE CHIP S ARE DOWN ) DARREN RIGBY; (FOUR-BI DDEN) F RASER SI M PSON THE CHIPS ARE DOWN READER’S DIGEST DOUBLE BACK What’s the next digit in this sequence? Hint: consider the puzzle’s title (DOUBLE BACK) DARREN RI GBY; (CROSSED LETTERS) FRASER S IMP SON 21565282146236 A 2 B 1 C 1 2 2 A B C D 2 2 2 2 2 CROSSED LETTERS Place one of A, B, C or D into each of the 25 empty cells so that the quantities of letters in each row and column are as indicated by the numbers Identical letters cannot be next to each other either horizontally or vertically LONG ODDS Jade buys a ticket for a local sweepstake with a 1-in-1,000 chance of winning Meanwhile, her partner buys a ticket for a national sweepstake with a 1-in-1,000,000 chance of winning What are the chances that they both win their respective sweepstakes? MARCH 2019 • 137 BRAIN TEASERS                           ACROSS DOWN 10 11 12 15 17 18 20 22 23 27 28 29 30 CROSSWISE Test your general knowledge Answers on p142     Gossamer (6) Like many Sherpas (8) Affliction of cats and other fur-lickers (8) Skin condition sought by beachgoers (6) Science of logic, quantity, shape and arrangement (Abbr.) (5) Tacit (7) Owner of a business (10) Inert gaseous element (4) Sour (4) Place for American children during the holidays (6,4) Galilee native (7) Spread out (5) Small restaurant (6) Elongate (8) South American boa (8) Person in the petroleum industry (6) 13 14 16 19 21 24 25 26 D-Day beach (5) Navy vessel (7) Spoiled child (4) World’s longest river (4) Autopsy (4-6) Wool fat (7) Private room on a passenger ship (9) Hollywood (10) Stub (5) Economic decline (9) Severe (7) Uppercase (7) Cub leader (5) Entreaty (4) Keen on (4) READER’S DIGEST Brainteasers: Answers £50 PRIZE QUESTION THE CHIPS ARE DOWN £21, with seven £3 chips and with two £8 chips plus five £1 chips FOUR-BIDDEN O X O O X O X X X X O X X X O X X O O X O O X O X O X O O O X O O O O X X X O O X X X O X O X X O X X O X O O X O X O O O X O X Answer published in the April issue Only one of the sets of five letters below is an anagram of a five-letter word in the English language Find the word LACBI TEMAN JECBI PECIN OACFR DOUBLE BACK CROSSED LETTERS D A D C A A C A B C D A B D A B C D B C C B C D B LONG ODDS in 1,000,000,000 (one billion) If you write the sequence backwards (as the title suggests) you’ll see powers of 2: (1)6, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512 THE FIRST CORRECT ANSWER WE PICK WINS £50!* Email excerpts@ readersdigest.co.uk ANSWER TO FEBRUARY’S PRIZE QUESTION NEWSPAPER AND THE £50 GOES TO… Sharon Wallis, Manchester MARCH 2019 • 139 FUN & GAMES Laugh! Win £30 for every reader’s joke we publish! Go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk SUPERMARKETS NOWADAYS PUT whatever labels on the product will make it sound healthy in order to sell it, then make up a ludicrously unrealistic portion size so I buy it That’s like Greggs saying, “this sausage roll only contains two per cent of your daily intake of calories… if you lick it.” COMEDIAN JACK WHITEHALL you almost won! Of all the losers, you came in first You’re number one loser Nobody lost ahead of you! COMEDIAN JERRY SEINFELD MY PARENTS GOT DIVORCED when I was seven days old So, like most children, my first word was “Mama” But my next five were, “told me to tell you”… COMEDIAN GIANMARCO SORESI IF I WAS AN OLYMPIC ATHLETE, I’d rather come in last than win the silver medal You win the gold, you feel good You win bronze, you think at least I got something But if you win the silver, that’s like, “Congratulations, Cramped kitties These cats managed to get comfortable in the most unlikely places… (via boredpanda.com) 140 • MARCH 2019 I’M NEWLY MARRIED AND I WENT with my wife to get her name changed recently I noticed that on her paperwork it said “Sex: F” I thought to myself, Man, that’s a harsh grade COMEDIAN WES SHATLEY READER’S DIGEST IT’S EASY TO REMAIN FAITHFUL to your partner when you’re repulsive isn’t it? I mean, I can’t even fantasise about another woman because that fantasy is always ruined by the fact that in the fantasy I would have to be there It’s a massive turn-off this, 1981? We should have cordless babies by now! SEEN ON REDDIT TOMORROW I TURN 40, WHEN I go from someone who trips up on his children’s abandoned pieces of Lego to: “Did you hear about Philip? He had a fall.” COMEDIAN PHILIP SIMON COMEDIAN ROMESH RANGANATHAN A CLOSE FRIEND OF MINE has just been sacked from the dodgems But don’t worry, he’s suing them for fun fair dismissal COMEDIAN PETER KAY I HAD SOME CONSIDERABLE MONEY invested in a local cheese shop, but it recently burned down I lost a lot of cheddar I also put some money into a new bakery If that burns down I’m toast SEEN ONLINE I’M PRETTY PASSIONATE ABOUT my work, even though I sometimes have this realisation on the second day of shooting that I’m in a piece of s**t So I can two things: I can take the money, or I can try to be passionate But the name of the boat is still the Titanic ACTOR BURT REYNOLDS I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY babies still have umbilical cords What is ONE OF THE WORST WAYS I realised that I’ve already peaked in life was when I opened the time capsule that I buried at school and thought, thank God I put £5 in there SEEN ONLINE I’M SHOCKED THAT DONALD TRUMP uses Twitter more than Facebook considering that Facebook gives everyone their own wall SEEN ONLINE MARCH 2019 • 141 LAUGH Shameful Secrets Twitter users share their weirdest secrets: @ratchel78: “When I’m in the shower and a sad song comes on, I pretend I’m in a movie and I’m breaking up with someone in the rain.” @lindsspace: “I can’t tear bananas apart It’s like they’re a family If I see a banana alone, I put it next to a new bunch.” @SimonTobey: “Whenever I leave a store and don’t buy anything, I walk out super slowly so that nobody thinks I stole anything.” @asencio_ryan: “When I don’t like someone, I make an avatar of them on The Sims and make them live a hard life.” @Marie_Cunicella: “Sometimes when I’m cooking, I talk out loud to a fake camera and pretend that I have my own cooking show.” I JUST HAD TO STOP YET ANOTHER angry fish from attacking Dwayne Johnson How is it that I always find myself caught between the Rock and a hard plaice? COMEDIAN PHILIP SIMON AN ANGEL APPEARED TO A RICH MAN as he was dying “Please let me take one thing from the vast empire I made for myself with me,” the rich man pleaded The angel agreed that the man could take one bag with him He stuffed all the gold bars he could into a very large suitcase When he approached the Pearly Gates, the man explained, “I was told I could bring this one bag with me.” “That’s correct,” St Peter replied “But I must first look inside.” As the man unloaded all the gold bars, St Peter stood amazed and said, “Pavement! You brought pavement!” CATHERINE HISCOX, He r t f o rd s h i r e AS A FAMILY, WE SIMPLY COULDN’T DECIDE whether to have Grandma buried or cremated So we decided to let her live COMEDIAN GARY DELANEY I HAVEN’T SLEPT FOR TEN DAYS Because that would be too long COMEDIAN MITCH HEDBURG CROSSWORD ANSWERS Across: Cobweb, Nepalese, Hairball, 10 Suntan, 11 Maths, 12 Implied, 15 Proprietor, 17 Neon, 18 Acid, 20 Summer camp, 22 Israeli, 23 Splay, 27 Bistro, 28 Lengthen, 29 Anaconda, 30 Oilman Down: Omaha, Warship, Brat, Nile, Post-mortem, Lanolin, Stateroom, 13 Tinseltown, 14 Stump, 16 Recession, 19 Drastic, 21 Capital, 24 Akela, 25 Plea, 26 Into 142 • MARCH 2019 60 Stand-Up -Second We laugh with the legendary satirical craftsman, Nick Revell WHAT’S THE BEST PART OF YOUR CURRENT SHOW? I tell a true story about when Vladimir Putin and I fought a bear together on Russian tundra We’d been taking part in a Shamanic ritual with a tribe of Siberian nomads and were hallucinating on psychedelic reindeer urine—which is what they use as the central sacrament in their rituals—and we ended up having a wrestling match with a bear WHO INSPIRES YOUR COMEDY? Everything can inspire it, you just look around you Performers who’ve inspired me would be a long list but, Richard Pryor, Billy Connolly, Stephen Colbert, Victoria Wood I think it’s people who’ve got an edge but also a sense of joy WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE ONE LINER? There’s an Irish comedian called Michael Redmond who has such an absurd line, he says, “People often say to me, ‘Hey! What are you doing in my garden?’ ” WHICH SUPER POWER WOULD YOU HAVE? The power to emit silent, disgusting farts which I could guide through telekinesis exclusively to people talking too loudly on their phones on public transport IF YOU WERE A FLY ON THE WALL, WHOSE WALL WOULD IT BE? DO YOU FIND ANY PARTS OF THE COUNTRY TO BE FUNNIER THAN OTHERS? Glasgow is really fun to play I’d like to be a fly on the wall in Boris Johnson’s house Firstly because it would be interesting to hear what he really thought, and secondly because, given what flies eat, I’d never starve because they’ve got a very broad range of receptivity, so if they connect with you they’ll laugh right across the spectrum from really clever and satirical through to broad and silly Nick Revell is touring now with his Radio series, BrokenDreamCatcher until April 17, 2019 Go to nickrevell.com for more information and tickets FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/INSPIRE/HUMOUR MARCH 2019 • 143 LAUGH Beat the Cartoonist! In the April Issue I Remember: Chris Stein The photograoher and Blondie guitarist looks back on his remarkable life Think of a witty caption for this cartoon—the three best suggestions, along with the cartoonist’s original, will be posted on our website in mid-March If your entry gets the most votes, you’ll win £50 Submit to captions@readersdigest.co.uk or online at readersdigest.co.uk/fun-games by March We’ll announce the winner in our May issue 144 • MARCH 2019 Discovering Death Positivity The surprising movement that wants us to talk about death Plus VAN GOGH’S BRITAIN Delving into the oftenforgotten years the painter spent living and teaching in London © ANN A HANKS / FLICKR Our cartoonist was left trailing in last place once again with his caption: “Humans must really hate the new year, huh!” Our witty reader Cliff Greenhill managed to scoop our prize with his hilarious caption: “When she said bangers tonight, I thought we were getting sausages.” Enter our competition online and you could be the next reader to steal our cartoonist’s crown CARTOONST: PETER A KING / GUTO DI AS January’s Winner SAVE 25% “WINTER ROOF MOT” POOR LOFT INSULATION? MISSING ROOF TILES, LEAKS? CREATE A WARM AND SECURE ROOF IN TIME FOR WINTER? AS SEEN ON GRAND DESIGNS 2017 ACT NOW! SAVE ENERGY, SAVE MONEY & PROTECT YOUR ROOF FOR LIFE REASONS WHY nds 100’s of Thousa SEN ROOFSURE: OF CUSTOMERS HAVE ALREADY CHOar manufacturers The UK’s no.1 foam insulation company Our unique spray-on foam insulates, waterproofs, bonds and lines your roof Will reduce heat loss by up to 58% - save money! The whole process takes just 1-2 days - quick, easy, clean For 30 years a family run business We never use sub- contractors, only our expertly trained staff 30-ye guarantee + 10-year insurance-backed guarantee We have the Government’s Trust Mark for “Good trading practices, good customer service and technical competence” CLASS C L CLOSED CELL D T RE RDAN FIRE RETA FOAM FO FREE FREE LOFT LADDER & FLOORING WORTH £750 TO ENJOY YOUR CLEAN DRY SPACE £100 WORTH OF M&S VOUCHERS FREE SURVEY NO OBLIGATION OVER 60? YOU MAY BE ELIGIBLE FOR FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE OR A SUBSIDY PAYMENT No more loose tiles No more draughts No more leaks Visit us online at: www.roofsure.co.uk CALL NOW FREEPHONE: 0800 999 4880 FREE roof survey applies to homeowners only and is part of your roofsure treatment discover the remarkable true story of a small town that welcomed the world because we come from everywhere we all COME FROM AWAY Book, Music and Lyrics by Irene Sankoff and David Hein Musical Staging by Kelly Devine Directed by Christopher Ashley winner! best musical all across north america COMING TO LONDON FROM 30 JANUARY 2019 PHOENIX THEATRE | 0207 400 1238 | Tickets.ReadersDigest.co.uk ... facebook.com/readersdigestuk twitter.com/readersdigestuk @readersdigest _uk You can also sign up to our newsletter at readersdigest.co .uk Reader’s Digest is published in 27 editions in 11 languages MARCH 2019. .. ice, it comes in its own classy little glass— but it s not sweet, or naff, or bright orange It s just a proper hard hit of cold spirit, with a savoury olive kick When I’m in the States I drink it. .. survive and thrive in 2019 To subscribe to Digested for monthly episodes—including our latest, “The Happy Ever After Myth”—visit readersdigest.co .uk/ podcast or search “Digested” on iTunes SUBSCRIBE

Ngày đăng: 05/11/2019, 14:15

Từ khóa liên quan

Tài liệu cùng người dùng

Tài liệu liên quan