The Wit and Humor of America - Volume II Various Edited by Marshall P. Wilder JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY THE WIT AND HUMOR OF AMERICA EDITED BY MARSHALL P. WILDER In Ten Volumes Volume II MDCCCCVII CONTENTS Archæological Congress, An Robert J. Burdette Aunt Dinah‘s Kitchen Harriet Beecher Stowe Ballad Charles Godfrey Leland Barney McGee Richard Hovey Beecher Beached, The John B. Tabb Boy‘s View of It, A Frank L. Stanton Budd Wilkins at the Show S.E. Kiser Colonel‘s Clothes, The Caroline Howard Gilman Comin‘ Thu Anne Virginia Culbertson Dutchman Who Had the “Small Pox,“ The Henry P. Leland Evening Musicale, An May Isabel Fisk Familiar Authors at Work Hayden Carruth Fascination John B. Tabb Golfer‘s Rubaiyat, The H.W. Boynton Go Lightly, Gal (The Cake Walk) Anne Virginia Culbertson Grandma Keeler Gets Grandpa Ready for Sunday-School Sarah P. McLean Greene Hoosier and the Salt Pile, The Danforth Marble How “Ruby“ Played George W. Bagby Letter, A Petroleum V. Nasby Lost Word, The John Paul Love Sonnets of a Hoodlum Wallace Irwin Mr. Dooley on Gold-Seeking Finley Peter Dunne Mr. Dooley on Reform Candidates Finley Peter Dunne Natural Perversities James Whitcomb Riley Nautical Ballad, A Charles E. Carryl Old Deacon‘s Version of the Story of the Rich Man and Lazarus, The Frank L. Stanton Our Best Society George William Curtis Plagiarism John B. Tabb Recruit, The Robert W. Chambers “Ringworm Frank“ James Whitcomb Riley Rival Entertainment, A Kate Field Samuel Brown Phoebe Cary Seffy and Sally John Luther Long She Talked Sam Walter Foss Strike at Hinman‘s, The Robert J. Burdette Two Brothers, The Carolyn Wells Two Farmers, The Carolyn Wells Two New Houses, The Carolyn Wells Two Suitors, The Carolyn Wells Vive La Bagatelle Gelett Burgess Walk William Devere Way it Wuz, The James Whitcomb Riley Yawcob Strauss Charles Follen Adams Yes? John Boyle O‘Reilly [...]... fortune, and which keeps them closely at the work of amassing from their youngest years until they are old They are sturdy men, of simple tastes often Sometimes, though rarely, very generous, but necessarily with an altogether false and exaggerated idea of the importance of money They are a rather rough, unsympathetic, and, perhaps, selfish class, who, themselves, 14 The Wit and Humor of America - Volume II. .. seek the difficult shores beyond A present smile was worth a future laurel The ease of the moment was worth immortal tranquillity They renounced the stern worship of the unknown God, and acknowledged the deities of Athens But the seal of their shame is their own smile at their early dreams, and the high hopes of their boyhood, their sneering infidelity of simplicity, their skepticism of motives and of. .. models of their ambition, and they succeed in 19 The Wit and Humor of America - Volume II being Pendennis They enjoy the reputation of being “very clever, “ and “very talented fellows, “ and “smart chaps“; but they refrain from proving what is so generously conceded They are often men of a certain cultivation They have traveled, many of them—spending a year or two in Paris, and a month or two in the rest... “You‘ll go, of course, “ said he, “for you will meet all the ‘best society ‘“ 13 The Wit and Humor of America - Volume II Shall we, truly? Shall we really see the “best society of the city, “ the picked flower of its genius, character and beauty? What makes the “best society“ of men and women? The noblest specimens of each, of course The men who mould the time, who refresh our faith in heroism and virtue,... thing 2 The Wit and Humor of America - Volume II FASCINATION BY JOHN B TABB Among your many playmates here, How is it that you all prefer Your little friend, my dear? “Because, mamma, tho‘ hard we try, Not one of us can spit so high, And catch it in his ear.“ 3 The Wit and Humor of America - Volume II BARNEY MCGEE BY RICHARD HOVEY Barney McGee, there‘s no end of good luck in you, Will-o‘ -the- wisp, with... having been “fast“ in Paris The end of such men is evident enough from the beginning They are snuffed out by a “great match, “ and become an appendage to a rich woman; or they dwindle off into old roués, men of the world in sad earnest, and not with elegant affectation, blasé; and as they began Arthur Pendennises, so they end the Major But, 20 The Wit and Humor of America - Volume II believe it, that old... catch any dandy in Broadway, or in Pall-Mall, or upon the Boulevards, this very 17 The Wit and Humor of America - Volume II morning, and write a coldly true history of his life and actions, his doings and undoings, would it not be the most scathing and tremendous satire? —if by satire you mean the consuming melancholy of the conviction that the life of that pendant to a mustache is an insult to the possible... Effects, and Exceedingly Uncomfortable and Inconvenient to Live In MORALS This Fable teaches that In a Multitude of Counselors there is Safety, and that Too Many Cooks Spoil the Broth 1 The Wit and Humor of America - Volume II YES? BY JOHN BOYLE O‘REILLY The words of the lips are double or single, True or false, as we say or sing: But the words of the eyes that mix and mingle Are always saying the same... society“ of New York, of Boston, of Baltimore, of St Louis, of New Orleans, whether they live upon six hundred or sixty thousand dollars a year— whether they inhabit princely houses in fashionable streets (which they often do), or not—whether their sons have graduated at Celarius‘s and the Jardin Mabille, or have never been out of their father‘s shops—whether they have “air“ and “style, “ and are “so... terms, and they criticize together, very freely, all the great events in the great world of fashion These elegant Pendennises we saw at Mrs Potiphar‘s, but not without a sadness which can hardly be explained They had been boys once, all of them, fresh and frank-hearted, and full of a noble ambition They had read and pondered the histories of great men; how they resolved, and struggled, and achieved In the . The Wit and Humor of America - Volume II 7 THE OLD DEACON‘S VERSION OF THE STORY OF THE RICH MAN AND LAZARUS BY FRANK L. STANTON I s‘pose. a Multitude of Counselors there is Safety, and that Too Many Cooks Spoil the Broth. The Wit and Humor of America - Volume II 2 YES? BY JOHN BOYLE